Sarcastic Clapping

{July 15, 2009}   These two make my essential person extrememly violent!

Is there a good way to blog vomit?  I mean the physical reminents of it?  Can anyone shed light on this?

Becasue vomit is precisely my reaction to Spinelli’s proposal to Maxie today….and the “wacky fun” of them annoying Jason with their sex-scpades. 

I know I am signing one of my interenet/blogging death warrents here but so be it.  (I’m sure my long standing hatred of Liason will be the other thing that will sign my death warrent. But that one is more fun!)  I FREAKING HATE SPIXIE!

I mean I would rather stab my eyes out with rusty sporks than watch a single scene of them.  When they talk, I feel the need to stick fingers in my ears and scream “LALALALALALA can’t hear you!” like my four year old second cousin does when he doesn’t want to go to bed.  THEY. ANNOY. ME.

First off I don’t buy Spinelli as a real live boy instead of a walking talking poorly written cartoon designed to give the finger to any passingly intelligent, internet savy fan of the show.  His introduction to the show served no purpose since Jason already HAD a computer expert on his payroll. Remember the poor departed hot Stan?  Yeah did the same job as Spinelli.  If the show wanted to do a “computer geek off”….ummm there is another character already on the canvas…who works for the side of GOOD which would have accomplished this.  Lucky Spencer.  And given that during the time Guza seemed to loooooove to put Jason and Lucky is some sort of competition (with Jason apparenlty winning by the most bizarre measures known to man.  He has no emotions about an infant being kidnapped! Clearly Jason is more awesome!)  The way he talks? UGH!  It was funny at first but enough is effing enough. He was in the freaking hospital as it was burning to the ground and he still had to use the nicknames?  Everyone else in town can say “Oh please save me Jason!”  Why can’t he?   

Plus the unending worship of Jason. The insanity that was him suggesting that if Jason told Lucky he was Jake’s father…why then Lucky would be overcome with sympathy for Jason and let him out of jail, ignoring the murder charges for a crime Jason did commit.   The crediting Jason with everything.  look I know he’s the font for Bob Guza’s unending and disturbing love of Jason Morgan, but we already have a whole show devoted to that.  That’s not enough for you? Ok lets talk about how the show tried to sell Spinelli, the computer hacker, as an INNOCENT VICTIM.  I am supposed to believe this computer genius (Who only ever hits the F7 key.  Yeah I noticed that GH) had no effing clue that what he was doing was illegal?  That it was aiding and abetting illegal operations?  Am I supposed to beleive that he thinks Jason really does live in a video game?????  And don’t get me started on the fact shortly before this we had to hear the umpteenth discussion about how Jason and Liz had to stay away from each other because of the DANGER.  Spinelli has a freaking arrow pointing at his head saying “DANGER FIND ME” and Jason never pushed him away.  (Ok maybe that’s more point and laugh at Jason but still it was one of the most HUH moments of those two years)

Not to mention the creation of Spinelli is directly responsible for the creation of Winnifred…and that is a crime against humanity that can not be allowed to stand! 

At best…when well written and not on screen 52 minutes a day…Spinelli is a comic relief character.  Good in short doses and for specific purposes.  Kinda like Coleman and Epiphany.  And they want me to see him as a romantic leading man?

Hells to the no.

I liked the idea of Georgie/Spinelli.  It made sense. Georgie was the smart good girl.  Spinelli the geek who was not intimidated by her intelligence and most likely wouldn’t crush her like Dillon did.  Got it. On board. Bring it on.  But Maxie?  Alright them becoming friends in the aftermath of Georgie’s senseless (and woo boy was it senseless) murder?  Alright I can see it. Spinelli developing a crush on Maxie? Ok I’ll buy it. But Maxie returning the feelings?  Not.  Sorry. Don’t see it.

I used to hate Maxie. During her pushing drugs on Lucky days I called her *Spits* exclusively.  But the further away from Lucky she got…the more I liked her.  She developed into her own bitchy misguided bad girl self.  And her hatred of Lulu mirrored my own.  But around Spinelli? Her voice goes up about thirty octives.  She praises him for the most inane things like using the word “Stupendous”.  She becomes clingy and dependent totally on him.  She adopts his completely illogical way of thinking.  Really if they prove Kate is behind the sabatogue of their own magazine, the new editors will keep her and Lulu on?  ON WHAT PLANET????  Not to mention her near constant praise of skills in the bedroom is just well GROSS.  I’m not saying geeks can’t be good in bed. I did watch Friends and that is how Ross got all the girls don’t we know.  But I don’t need to hear about all the flipping time.  And if I hear her say the freaking words “essential person” one more time…I am not going to be held responsible for what I do!

And now he wants to propose marriage?  OH MY GOD!  They haven’t even dated yet!  My couple Lucky/Liz gets the “moves way too fast” card slammed at them constantly and even they would sit back, to quote Joey Lawrence, and go “Whoa!”   He works two jobs and for reasons I’m not clear on he can’t seem to move out of Jason’s penthouse nor does he seem to want to.  What he and Maxie, the police commissioner’s DAUGHTER, are just going to move in to the home of the Holy Town Hit Man?  oh yeah….that’s a plan! 

Of course the good part of this insane speed up to over-exposed, overly-hyped summer couple of the moment…is that their inevitable destruction can’t be far behind……so that’s good. 

But oh the pain till it happens!

Leigh says:

GH has become bad fanfic.

Take two characters. Put them together for some inane reason. Have one character get twisted around so far that she’s unrecognizable (of course the long-term legacy character), so that the pair ‘fits’ (still horribly). Then completely ruin the relationship (Johnny), and all of a sudden lay a cheap attempt at romance on them and it’s sex and a proposal?

WTF hell, GH?

This isn’t romance. This isn’t even love. Spinelli’s just crushing on another blonde one, and Maxie is so frakked up she can’t see straight. She can’t even comprehend Spinelli most of the time, let alone love him.

The writers have no clue about romance and how to write a couple. No. Clue.

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