Sarcastic Clapping

{July 22, 2009}   Well this will be countless hours of boredom.

I know better than to expect something like logic or well thought out planning when it comes to a GH story.  Or promo.  Clearly such things are not what the audience wants.  Clearly the ratings are going through the roof  because we just love nonsensical storytelling…


But really this whole “Who hit Claudia” storyline?  OMG!  It makes toxic balls look well planned and logical!

First off it’s reminding me of Who Hit Sam last February.  And really who gave a crap about that? Sam survived and wasn’t even that hurt but for a solid two months all we heard was who hit Sam and how awful it was that either Elizabeth, Monica, Nik or Carly hit Sam. How hard this would be on Jason. Blah blah blah.   And in the end? What the heck did it change but allow Guza yet another chance to defame the Quatermaines?  Woo.

So the first glaring problem with the storyline is this…..Who the hell thinks hitting Claudia with a car was a bad idea?  Who is all worried that she won’t survive?  Aren’t we all more upset that she did survive?  If Claudia left today would anyone really give a crap? 

Now lets move on to Carly’s involvement.  Ummm isn’t she supposed to be on bedrest? I know what Carly wants Carly gets and if she wants to have this baby then by God she will because Carly can control the universe like that, but really? She A – was aware Morgan effing exists and B- she HAD to go look by the side of the road (when Morgan said “in the woods”.  Apparently Carly can also manipulate time and space!) for that freaking medal at night?  All so she can save Claudia, the woman who shot her son?  ohh GH writers PLEASE stop trying to use ironry correctly. Much like Alanis, it’s not your strong suit.

Michael…well if you didn’t know something was going to happen with Michael and the car after the umpteen million referrences to the accident that happened to Jason with AJ…well then Hi….let me welcome you to GH. You clearly haven’t been watching long. I suppose Michael’s bad driving will be blamed on AJ and not the fact he shouldn’t freaking have a driver’s licence much less a “temporary” one.  Anything so Sonny and Jason won’t take the blame dont’ you know.  (which has always confused me because AJ and Jason were brothers. So techincally some of Michael’s traits did come from Jason… it CAN BE JASON’S FAULT!  Woo hoo!) 

And of course Jason is going to make all evidence of Michael being there disappear.  Way to show Michael crime doesn’t pay there Morality Morgan! Way to preach it! Don’t know why that kid doesn’t get the fact that the mafia is not a great life, what with all the hard time and consequences you both have to face.  It’s like when Sam lectures Krisitna on not acting out of conrol and following the rules.   No clue why those lessons fell on deaf ears.   Nope. None at all. 

Kristina…oh Kristina.  I can’t actually hate too much on her being on the road like that except to say I have no illusions that while Kristina will be in speical issues storyline hell with domestic violence there will be absolutely no mention or realization that her father is the biggest domestic abuser in daytime. I am so looking forward to the show where we see Kiefer hitting Kristina is wrong…but between Sonny and Claudia its just foreplay!  That will be fun won’t it?  It will just be like the week they had Michael and Kate tell us violence was never the answer for kids, while showing Sonny and Jason threatening everyone within a five mile radius.   However I will say that good lord what genes are responsible for her inability to keep guilt off her face?  Cause seriously I think Martians could see it.  Did she take notes from Jason about how to keep your feelings “secret”? Cause you know he was so awesome at it. 

Not to mention, where the hell is her bodyguard? you know the ones we heard Sonny had on her due to the DANGER?  Wouldn’t said bodyguards already have killed punk boyfriend?  Or is that further proof of the complete ineptitude of Sonny’s security force?  I know….it’s the latter. 

Alexis was just there so Sonny and Carly can blame her and make her look stupid right? 

And you know what really stinks?  We will be subjected to countless hours and hours of this horse hockey pucks.  It will be the over-arching story of all August and into November sweeps (cause Guza does nothing without thinking about sweeps).  And just who will be responsible?

Some no account dayplayer.  Some random person who happened to be out the same night that we never saw.  IT WILL BE DEAD DIEGO!  Sorry to spoil it for you.

Don’t you just love it when you know in advance that the entire storyline will be bs and a waste of time?

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