Sarcastic Clapping

{March 10, 2010}   Laying down the odds

It’s good to know that after a week that was hell on my tear ducts for familial reasons that when I get back to watching GH some things remain blessedly familiar and comforting.  In fact, they are so comforting I could probably go to Vegas and lay odds down it.

Odds that Sonny Will Realize He’s a Complete Douche

100-1 against


I wish I could say I was surprised that Sonny is conitnuing to take his pity train all over town and trying his damnedest to blame everyone…anyone…under the sun for Dante hating him.  Well everyone but himself for shooting Dante in the chest that is.  But when he asked Jax if Jax ever got tired of his own arrogance…and then proceded to try to guilt Olivia about her decision to not let him be a father….(Seriously?  He was shocked a 15 year old didn’t consider letting a 17 year old thug wannabe be a father?) …and not to mention trying to take credit for Dante being good in math well dear God.  The douchitude knew no bounds.  Add in the fact acting exactly the way Kiefer acts to Kristina to Kristina….well the true 8th wonder of the world is why no one has ever succeed in killing this asswipe. 

Odds that Jason Will Be Seen in Something Other than a Tshirt again.

956 to 1


I know they are at the island and all folks but I remember clearly when Jason and Sam went to Hawaii because they were all convinced he was goign to die of the brain clusters (damn them teasing me with the death of Jason like that) and he was still in that damn black tshirt.  Probably the same shirt he bought when he first went to work for Sonny. Clearly the next time Carly gets married he’ll be all dressified again and he was back in the tshirt by the end of the episode but I’m telling you…this sight first thing made me think I was watching the wrong show.

Odds Lisa Isn’t Really Crazy, Manipulative or a Bitch

75 to 1

Yes I know. Per the Scrubs fans she’s evil. She’s a manipulative skank.  She’s an interloper.  Except I’m still not seeing it.  Yeah she was caught by Patrick in her underware yesterday.  She told him she was grabbing a shower.  What exactly did Patrick think he was going to be walking in on?  Did he think she would be conducting a lecture?  Did she say come find me immediately?  Don’t recall that happening.  Is she a party girl who doesn’t like the fact that her party friend settled down? Yeah but so was Creepy  Pete and Kid Shooter Ian.  It was established long ago that Patrick has really really crappy taste in friends pre-Robin.  There is no reason for her to be Fatal Attraction.  She’s not manipulated Patrick into seeing her naked or going to Jake’s with her.  She doesn’t seem to have his kid stashed somewhere.  She’s not a failed career person. 

Maybe the reason why there has been no movement in this storyline per the Scrubs fans…is that the story isn’t the one you are thinking of?  Maybe Lisa isnt’ so much a third party out to destroy Scrubs…but a third party in the mold of Creepy Pete…a person to make us all see how wonderful it is Patrick has matured. 

I will now go and change my name to prevent my death when certain fans come looking for my head.

Odds That the Kiefer/Kristina Storyline Will Do Justice to an Important Social Issue

I’m sorry did I just see a girl trying on sexy clothes for her abusive boyfriend set to a peppy pop song?  Did I stumble into a Katherine Heigl rom-com by mistake?  And I thought this show scraped the bottom of the barrel when they did  a mob shoot set to Fall Out Boy.  Really show? Really? 

I won’t go into the odds of this show actually exploring the reality that Sonny’s abusive tendancies (yelling, throwing bar ware, liberal use of the word slut as a term of endearment) laid the groundwork for Kristina falling in with an abuser cause quite frankly not even a mob backed bookie will back those long shot odds.  I know the show’s big argument is that Sonny has never hit a woman…but he’s verbally abused them, shook them, emotionally abused and manipulated them, shot them in the freaking head and had them set up to be murdered at his request.  It’s not that much of a difference in my book. 

Plus who wants to bet that somehow this entire thing is blamed on Alexis and it’s used to make Sonny look like a good guy to Dante?  Yeah who wants a sucker bet like that.

Odds I Will EVER Understand the Appeal of Spinelli

2564564518516516 to 1

Let me get this straight. They are trapped in a storm drain…again.  Maxie is getting sick.  And instead of trying to I don’t know…yell for help…anyting other than stare at a laptop…we get Spinelli having a fantasy about Maxie telling him what a macho macho man he is?  And this is one of the root for couples on this show? 

The psychology of Guza’s mind towards women frightens me a little more every day.

Oddds Anything Will Ever Top the Gloriousness of Olivia’s Smackdown to Sonny

5161511515615311321 Katrillion to 1

Dear Lord I know that “shove it where the sun doesn’t shine” attitude won’t last but while it was going on it was glorious.  I’m not a fan of the character Olivia per say and I know she’s sleeping with Johnny so her whole attitude is a little hypocritical to say the least but I’m going to overlook it.  Because it was that good.  For someone to engage in that amount of truth telling and not immediatley be struck down in a hail of bullets just doesn’t happen on this show.  I needed a cigarette after it.  And I don’t smoke. 

Odds I’ll Actually Understand This “Story” With Ethan and Luke

Slim to None

Granted it might help if I understood a word coming out of Ethan’s mouth. Or I cared about him.  Or if I couldn’t tell that because his green card status has been mentioned an uptick of ninety gabillion times a show these days that he’ll end up in a marriage of convience with someone and then end up falling for them for real cause that’s a cliched story Guza hasn’t tried selling as new in a few years.  (Let me guess… Maya Ward? Through some manipulation of Tracey?)  But his entire storyline from the friendshp with Kristina to his “partnership” or whaterver it is with Johnny is just random.  Not that Ethan’s been anything but random since the second he stepped foot in town. 

Of course it might help if I wasn’t driven blind by the sight of this.

How do we force him to get a haircut?  Do you think if we eased up on the hating him for beign all “woo hoo yeah for spitting on Luke and Laura” he’d go?  I’m open to any suggestions at this point.

Odds I Was Going to End this Post Without a Steven Lars Sighting

Slim to None

Hello pretty!

Photos courtsey of Lisa W’s Soap Heaven

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