Sarcastic Clapping

{April 1, 2010}   Questions…I’ve got questions….

Sometimes all I come away with when it comes to this show is more questions than I have answers.  I’ve often said this but I’ll repeat myself. Shows that one time had a character named Casey the Alien do not get to confuse me.  They just don’t.  But this week….

1.  Why do these writers think they can treat a development like Lucky moving out of his childhood home as something that happens off screen?  First off I thought that type of crap wasn’t supposed to happen now that Jonathan Jackson was back in the role.    That kind of stuff would happen to Greg’s Lucky regularly, but the Sainted Show Savior’s Lucky?  It wasn’t supposed to happen anymore!  Also are they aware that instead of paying attention to their way obvious chemistry test between Maya and Lucky, the entire audience was spendign more time going “If he doesn’t live there, where does he live? How long has he not lived there?  Do other people know he moved?”  I totally understand the reasons Lucky articulated, I do. But wouldn’t it have been more soapy and more inline with this show’s new mantra of show everything related to Lucky Spencer if the show had actually shown us Lucky moving out?

2.  Do these writers think there is only one form of abuse?  Seriously they are getting majorly Clintonian on this abuse issue.  No Sonny has not hit a woman…yet. He’s shook them, shot them, emotionally manipulated them, screamed at them..basically been Keifer to them.  All this talk of Sonny not being abusive because he’s not hit a woman when he’s been threatening and screaming the entire time he’s been on the show is maddening.  Also this confusing message that abuse is is only abuse if you are hit is brought to you at the start of National Child Abuse Prevention Month. ABC…Always Being Classy! 

3.  If “conventional wisdom” is to first suspect the boyfriend…why the hell has no one followed conventional wisdom before this exact second?  Look I know Kristina named Ethan repeatedly. I know that.  But it’s been hinted that Mac didn’t fully buy her story based on the fact Ethan brought her into the hospital.  Jason didn’t buy her story and alerted the cops that they should either.  More than just Carly and Michael have seen Keifer be a dick to Kristina.  Why am I asking what is clearly a plot point in Guza’s further plot to make Sonny look like a good father but come on! 

4.  Does no one on this show understand the concept of conflict of interest?  So everyone is saying let Lucky investigate Kristina’s attack. Let Lucky get to the truth of the matter.  Jason and Luke are all about Dante helping Lucky.  The brother of the accussed and the brother of the victim investigating the criminal case.  Ummmm I’m not a lawyer or a cop but even I can see two glaring reasons why this case wouldn’t see the light of day in court (which I know it’s not going to anyway cause I have seen this show before clearly). The show goes out of its way to make Keifer’s parents lawyers and they go and do something that a high school student could point out as wrong!  Unless Port Charles is suddenly Mayberry with a mob element and they only have two cops….Dante and Lucky should be so far away from the official investigation it isn’t funny. I would have no problem with either one of them investigating this on their own…but as the official investigators? Give me a fucking break.

4.  When did Robin Scorpio Drake loose her damn mind?  You all….I get Robin having a soft spot for Sonny but I feel I must point out to the writers there is a difference between a soft spot and a blind spot the size of a Mac truck.  It’s like Robin completely forgot that Sonny helped run her out of the freaking country for seven years!  At one point she’s admitted she knows, knows mind you, that Jason and Sonny are guilty of the crimes they are accused of.  She was at that freaking birthday party of doom and witnessed what Sonny did and said.  And yet everytime she shows up these days it’s to tell us that the evil media is trying to sway the jurors and that everyone needs to know Sonny is a good man.  Robin I love you but SHUT UP.  I get it. He was nice to you and Stone over a decade ago.  You also witnessed him ordering a woman’s muder and you know how he treated Brenda and how that destroyed her.  SONNY IS NOT A GOOD MAN ROBIN!

5.  Is the same person in charge of researching the legal system in charge of researching mental health care systems?   Take a deep breath here people and hear me out.  I agree Elizabeth was a little nutty and I am a big fan of the only way you’ll sleep with Nik is if you are mentally ill theory!  I am.  But here’s the thing…I work with the mental health system for a living.  And while I know holding a TV show to exacting standards of perfect realism is insane. I really do. Could they bother to get even the little things right? For example…neither Nikolas nor my beloved Steven have a psychiatry degree.  So therefore their opinion that Elizabeth isn’t ready means a hill of beans.  Also as she is not suicidal, not expressing homicidal thoughts and since this show never bothered to give us a diagnosis, presumably Elizabeth’s condition  can be treated on an outpatient basis then there is no reason and no hospital in the world that would keep her past seven days…not to mention the past month she’s been there.  There is no reason to keep her in a mental institution.  And that’s not even touching the whole point that Helena has admitted to running that hospital which leads me to my next question…

6. Why is everyone involved in this paternity switching storyline so uncharacteristically stupid?   I think we can all agree that the first rule when dealing with Helena is don’t tell Helena what you are up to!  And if you suspect she might have switched a paterntiy test you for sure don’t tell her a second test was ordered before you freaking look at the test results!  And I thought the stupidity had reached an apex when they were scheduling  a paternity test with Helena in town under their real names in a hospital she has run scams in before!!  And Nik had Helena move in to Wyndemere to keep an eye on her? Like the eye he keeps on Spencer?  At this point I am fully convinced that Helena could walk around town with a manservant handing out flyers saying “I SWITCHED THE PATERNITY RESULTS. LUCKY IS THE FATHER AND MY PLAN MAKES NO SENSE BUT JUST GO WITH IT FOLKS FOR I AM HELENA” and still no one would catch on.  At one point today I was praying she would start jumping up and down yelling “APRIL FOOLS APRIL FOOLS!”  It would have at least been entertaining!!!

7.  Why can’t I stop watching this show?  If you can answer this let me know please!

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