Sarcastic Clapping











{April 9, 2010}   More of a pain than a hospital couch!

There are certain things in life that should be filed under obvious and common sense.  Things such as milk is best stored in the refridgerator.  You do actually need to sleep at night.  Remembering your parents’ and grandparents’ birthdays are kinda important.  And generally I do well with these common sense items but apparently there is one thing that I either A – forgot or B- was completely unaware of.  Yes folks I did something truly, truly stupid.

I watched an entire week’s worth of GH in one sitting.  This week’s worth of GH.  I’m barely alive to tell the tale. 

You see I spent most of my nights this week in a hosptial for my full time job.  And as such, I fell asleep on the hardest, most uncomfortable, smallest couch in the history of the world. (Seriously you all..Sonny would find this couch tiny).  I’ve been sleep deprived and in pain for much of the week.  And do you when I was in the most pain? When I watched all of this week’s GH.  Yeah it’s true.  I can’t even make a joke about it, it’s so freaking sad. 

And since there has been many, many, ohhhhhh so many completely obvious interesting developments this week and as I am still sleep deprived on some levels, I’m not even going to try to make comments in a chronological manner.  It will be more like the order in which I remember they pissed me off.

Alexis, meet the bus.

I don’t think quite enough has been made about the completely botched job GH has done with this important story.  I thought they would never top the mishandling of Robin’s PPD or using Lucky’s drug addiction as a reason to de-ball a character in order to make Jason look awesome.  Clearly I was wrong.  Never say the lowest has been reached folks because clearly GH thinks we are in the middle of a freaking limbo contest!  Look I get that Keifer was an abusive asshole.  I also see that he’s Sonny Junior but I’m not holding my breath waiting for anyone on this show to acknowledge that.  But there were approximately 90 gabillion different ways to write the ending of Keifer is abusive to Kristina.  (And bonus there were also other ways to deal with Kristina pointing the finger at Ethan without making the victim of an abusive relationship look like a vindictive lying witch!)  Kristina could have finally admitted it was Keifer and her first statement fingering Ethan could be used to get him off of charges. Or you know the fact her freaking brother was investigating the attack.  (Conflict of interest….another term Guza clearly thinks only applies to his mobsters.)  Keifer’s parents could use their alleged power and influence to get Keifer into an exclusive prep school before charges can be filed.  They could send him off to another country that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the US.  Or Keifer could have been charged, his parents get it argued into juvenile court and he thereby doesnt’ serve a long term.  When Kristina moves on with a nice guy a year or two later….hello here comes Keifer back to town. 

But nooooooooo.  We have to have Alexis freaking kill him by running him over with her car.  (While he was walking in the middle of the street like a dumbass.)   And now we get to wait for Kristina to find out the truth about this and then blame her mother for everything while she runs to her beloved, sainted father for comfort.  (Although it has lead to Mac being awesomely supportive and dreamy and talking about Georgie sooo…….yeah no still sucks.)

I guess apparently GH ran out of ways to shove Elizabeth under the bus and they needed a new person down there.  And speaking of Elizabeth…

“My brother doesn’t think I’m ready” is not a viable admission standard.

Alright total adorableness of said picture aside, and taking off the fangirl glasses I admitedly have about Steven…he needs to freaking shut it regarding Elizabeth’s mental status.  Yes he’s a doctor…but not a psychiatrist.  So until I see him practicing psychiatrity this whole Steven doens’t think Elizabeth should be out of Shadybrook thing means nothing. She’s not homicidal. She’s not suicidal. She doens’t want to go back to work because the last time she was there the daily fun was who was going to randomly yell Liz was a slut first, Liz or Lulu?  She went to a mental hospital and the entire hospital knows it.  I trip in front of one co-worker and I want to hide from everyone for the entire day!  That’s not a breakdown, it’s freaking normal!  Not to mention,  that was the same damn crap this show pulled during one of the many break ups of Jiz. Jason, who was never a part of the raising of the boys EVER, broke up with her and suddenly Liz couldn’t figure out how to handle her kids.  No one said it was a mental breakdown then. (Although that would explain her entire thought process at the time……)

It’s hard to sell someone has a family guy when….

Ok I recognize an attempt at rehab when I see one, but it’s hard to take Nik’s change of heart when it comes to Spencer being seen seriously when this is what he dresses the child in to play in the sandbox.  That’s what my male cousins wore for school pictures and took off the first second they could!  Spencer is adorable and can rock that sweater vest like no one’s business but oh puh-lease. 

As for Nik’s lament about how he didn’t bond with Spencer because Carly and Jax lied about his paternity, ok he missed out on some time.  I give him that.  What’s his excuse for wanting to leave Spencer an orphan so he could hump a ghost?  Or the fact that Nik effectively destroyed Spencer’s chance at a normal family when he decided that Liz was who he randomly wanted.  Kiss family gatherings goodbye Spencer.  But don’t worry…your father totally has another reason why that’s not his fault either. 

Law and Order is still on the air! PLEASE WATCH IT!

 

Oh wipe the smug off your face Diane.  It’s not like you are making points on this trial based on brilliant legal strategy.  The only reason you will clearly win is either Guza is a moron who doesn’t actually realized we all know how a court works or…..well lets be real that’s what he thinks.  Surprise witnessed don’t exist.  Defandents that threaten the prosecutor in open court are generally censured and often face other charges.  Perjury is perjury and is still a crime even if it is done to try to convict Sonny.  Prosecutors do not do roughly eight-tenths of the defense’s job by introducing reasonable doubt into the picture.  I could go on and on but I’ll need to save this for the next inevitable trial we will have to face.

Shut it for all eternity!

On the one hand, I am glad to see Luke return to the land of douchitude he’s been residing in for the past decade.  It feels like the real GH is back that way.  But when he started in today on cops are just like mobsters with their ego and drive, I wanted Jason and Sonny to randomly decide Luke was guilty of  a crime and he needed to pay with his life. REALLY LUKE? REALLY?  Just shut it you skeevy sanctimonous asshole!  Props to Lulu for pointing out that Luke is a big fat hypocrite for railing at her for dating Dante when he didn’t say boo about Johnny.  And yes I get the fact Ethan geting beat up isnt’ something he likes.  But come on!  Luke knows how prison works.  People accussed of crimes against children are always in danger. That is why they are generally segregated for their own protection.  And the bigger hypocrisy is that Luke has no issues with cops when Lucky can get him out of trouble by pulling strings/calling in favors.  And he equally had no issues with cops when he was the MAYOR of the town and his best friend Robert was the police commissioner.  Shut it you hypocrtical bastard! Just go move to Holland full time already!

Dear Show…please learn how to properly do subtle….

Gosh you all do you think that maybe Liz is going to make a mistake?  Cause I couldn’t tell based on the constant cuts to Steven’s concerned face.  Look I admit my love of Steven, but come on!  The only thing more obvious than today’s Liz is going to make a mistake at work parade are the chem tests they keep putting Ethan/Maya in.

Speaking of Maya, I don’t really have anything negative to say about her right now.  Although clearly she is being aimed at Ethan given the amount run-ins they’ve gotten in the span of two weeks.  And her pressence gave us the greatness that was the Cute Off of the Century…Steven being dreamy in his lab coat versus Edward in his adorably jaunty cap!  And didn’t we all have joy on that day?  If we can get more of that on a regular basis…..well I’d be listen to and clearly respected so I wouldn’t be watching GH. 

I’m sure there’s more….I may have had a rage blackout or two…..but I have to protect my health. I’d rather just visit the hospital than be sent there.

Photos courtsey of LisaW’s Soap Heaven

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