I apologize to everyone in the gym with me today.

I think I  need to sue my gym.  See when I joined, they had all the TVs tuned to either ESPN or CBS. Which means I had one place where I could guarantee I would not be assulted with the rage I normally feel when I watch GH.  Having these rage attacks in the safety and privacy of my own home is one thing, but the general public tends to look at you funny when you start spouting obsentities at fictional characters and throwing things at the screen in anger.    Suggestions about checking yourself into a mental hospital (with a legitimate reason even!!!) tend to follow.

So imagine the torture my poor fellow gym members went through when I had the misfortune of catching today’s GH live.  LIVE!!! I didn’t even have the luxury of the fast forward button!  Or the mute!  I was trapped! Trapped!  And today of all days……

First there was the uncomfortable part where I had to explain to everyone near me that the reason everyone’s neck vein was about to explode was because a cop just reported a confession of murder.  And how even though the self-confessed justified killer, who was totally going to turn himself in to save his mobster father’s murdering ass….that was the wrong thing!  That the right thing is for everyone in town to bend over backwards to keep a kid who is already being crushed with guilt stay quiet and under that crushing load so he can “lead a normal life.”  One that apparenlty didn’t involve becoming involved in the mob even though that’s the only career option they’ve ever presented the child with.

Trust me….the looks people gave Elizabeth when she had her public “breakdowns”?  Nothing compared to the looks you get when you try to explain this out loud in English.

It was impossible to explain why I doubled over with laughter when Carly…Carly of all people….started lecturing that Lulu should have “protected” Michael by keeping up the insane cover up that makes no frigging sense on the basis of “family loyalty”.  Carly…who never ever uses the name Spencer.  Who at one point decided she could drum LUCKY FREAKING SPENCER out of the family because he dared to arrest Jason for breaking the law.  Who I think we can all agree would have run to Jason and Sonny before Lulu finished the words “Dante is an undercover cop” had Lulu told her that.  Carly who has been one of the head cheerleaders of “family is who you choose not who you are related to by DNA” for the past decade.  She’s lecturing about family loyalty.  The ironry/rage was so great I almost didn’t feel the barbell as it fell on my foot.  They wanted that reaction from me right? 

And I can’t even touch on how loud I screamed WTF when Carly called Lulu a “selfish bitch”.  You know children really say it best.  Takes one to know one.

Sonny is generally our all around champ when it comes to being a douche, but I must admit I scoffed when he stared in today on how awful it was that Lulu didn’t turn out exactly the way Luke would want and may, may have asked “What? Did he find out Nikolas was about to take his crown as high king douche?”   Look I think we all know Luke isn’t going to be thrilled by this but who the hell cares if Luke isn’t going to be thrilled with her?  Luke’s level of involvement with children not named Ethan these days is….nil.  Wooo her dad who Lulu thinks abandoned her will be disappointed in her.  Big fat whoop.

And then it came…….oh I had high high hopes after Friday that the bane of my existance….the storyline you all know I think was written just to spite me….Jason/Lucky’s ridiciulous and completely out of character BFF-ship was thisclose to being over.  When Lucky pulled the gun on Jason I was 99.99% positive it was finally done becuase as we all know….while Jason can threaten you with death on multiple occassions you can’t step to him or tell him he’s full of shit.  You don’t mess with St. Jaysus like that.  But then…Jason spoke…in the police station….that if it had been any other cop that Michael had confessed to and pulled a gun on him, Jason would have shot said cop but because it was Lucky and Jason doesn’t want to hurt Lucky, well I think the dogs in the pet store next door understood me more clearly than the poor fool on the elliptical machine next to me. 

What the hell was that today?  Am I supposed to be on Carly’s side when she had the exact same revelation that she did in April 2008 that she was the reason Michael is screwed from the get go?  Am I supposed to think Sonny’s isn’t a huge douche?  I know Dante/Lulu have the us vs the world thing going on right now but the show does not have to be so literal in this.   I get Carly feeling betrayed but on what planet is Carly loyal to any family than the one she chose wiht Jason and Sonny? 

And lastly….does Bob Guza really have it out for me and is he determined to make me a friendless loser just for thinking Jason, Sonny and Carly sucks?

It’s the last one. You so don’t have to tell me that.