Sarcastic Clapping











{May 12, 2010}   And the nominees are….

There are days when it feels the soap gods conspire against me.   Days when popular actors get fired for no good reason other than a publicity stunt.  Days when a major defining storyline of this show gets retconned because apparently the casting department doesn’t think it’s possible for an actor to drop an accent for a role. (Ed Westwick and Hugh Laurie have been completely facinated by this concept)  Days when all I hear is effusive over-praise for a scene specifically designed to trick the critics into thinking a show had turned a corner instead of just shoving out steaming piles of the same old crap. 

And then there are days like today.  When the soap gods smile down on me and say “That will do pig. That will do.”

I know what you are thinking…it’s Emmy nomination day.  I know she has HUGE issues with at least two of these nominees.  Has she completely flipped her lid?  And I am here to tell you that no…no I have not. My admittedly limited grasp on sanity is still in tact.  We shall take these in by category.

Best Show: General Hospital

I really do hate it when the word “best” is redefined and no one has told me.  It’s annoying.  The idea this putrid show is the best at anything other than raising my blood pressure is ridiculous.  However this show submitted the CarnEvil.  You know the big stunt they shot in their parking lot and proceded to act like it was a blooming new concept…this each day building on each other thing?  And if there is one thing we all know the Emmy voters love…it’s a big stunt show.  So figuring that…I’ll go with they did the Monday after Edward plowed the car into the carnival…becuase they had a montage…and action…and of course Jason’s Walk of Pain. 

If there is one thing this show can do it’s gimmick’s way into this category and win.  (cough*PC Hotel Fire*cough)  So while it causes a massive eye roll..I am honestly not shocked by this one.

Lead Actress – Sarah Joy Brown as Claudia Zaccarah

I have a love-hate relationship with Sarah Joy Brown. I always hate….haaaaaaatttteeeee…..any character she plays.  However I do recognize she is a phenomenally talented actress.  So I am thrilled that she was recognized for trying to make a poorly written, not at all planned, stunt casting ratings bid role in any way workable.  Bonus points are awarded because Bob Guza can no longer try to blame Sarah for the role’s absolute failure.  Not to say I love Claudia or I want that train wreck of a character honored in any way. I don’t and I am 1000% Team Crystal in this category because for serious have you seen Otalia?  (Also Crystal Chappell is magical and pissing her off might make the soap gods angry.  We don’t want them angry) 

Supporting Actress – Carolyn Hennesy as Diane Miller

You know I realize the category says supporting actress…I didnt’ realize it meant RECURRING CHARACTER?  What was her reel?  Five episodes spliced together?  I think Carolyn Hennesy is great and all ( even if I’m likely completely screwing the spelling of her last name.) it’s just…what the hell did she do last year?  The moving story of Max’s issues feeling like he was her sex toy?  <barf>  Telling Sonny to do something while he duh faces and ignores her?  WHAT? I ask of you WHAT?

Supporting Actor – Bradford Anderson as Damien Spinelli

Supporting Actor- Jonathan Jackson as Lucky Spencer

Starting with Spinelli since well it’s the less ragey of the two. I know who would have thunk it?  Bradford Anderson when tones down the annoying aspects of Spinelli is talented and he had relatively good stuff during the Spixie non-wedding.  Based on previous reels, he tends to pick comedy when he should pick drama and that’s killed him in the past.  This year I can actually rationalize this one, which is more than I can say the first time he was nomminated and all I could come up with was “some good scenes on Night Shift“.

And now for Jonathan Jackson.  I knew this nod was coming the second I heard the casting bomb drop.  I’ll even let it fly I firmly believe his name is on that trophy as we speak and the other nominees could just send in reels with their pictures on it for the cameramen to find them for all the “competition” this category actually is.  Jonathan is a great actor and often desreves the praise he gets. Except all he did in 2009 was show up.  That’s it.  Other than that?  Nada.  He played Lucky as clueless.  He played Lucky as annoyed with Luke.  He played Lucky as in love with Liz and stupidly trusting the wrong person.  Yeah been there. Done that. Seen it in 2007 with another actor.  Oh he’ll win…and he’ll win next year (and that one will be “deserved” or whatever) but let’s not kid ourselves. This is a “welcome back” Emmy. This is why back in the day…his name was always thrown out there as a reason why the Emmy system needed to change since the nominating commitee would give him the nod even when he didn’t do anything.  That’s right people…outside of the awards he won (which were deserved) his constant nominee status was actually a source of eye rolls in the 90s.  Hillariously I remember the complaints by respected soap experts about Tyler Christopher would always be overlooked so long as Jon was around since Jon was the name.   That’s right folks…he was often cited as a reason why we needed a pre-nom process.  Don’t you just love the irony? I do!

Younger Actress – Julie Marie Berman as Lulu Spencer

Julie is a great actress and she finally is in a pairing that doesn’t bomb within seconds!  So yeah for that! And Lulu is actually speaking sense and sometimes remembering she’s a member of the Spencer family and not Carly’s mob family. So I may at some point stop hating the character on sight.  However…I’m a little at a loss as to what she did that was sooo spectactular.  There was the break-up with Johnny….and that’ s it really. 

Younger Actor – Drew Garret as Michael Corrinthos III

The greatest part about this is if Drew wins AS HE SHOULD SOAP GODS….then we will get the fantastically confused and uncomfortable faces of TIIC.  All I ask CBS…is one camera shot of Brian Frons’s face when this happens.  Just one.  All I ask. 

I know what you are thinking….that’s a lot of complaining she just did. What’s up with this soap gods are happy nonsense?  But did you notice what categories GH got blanked in?  Best Writing and Lead Actor.

Let’s say it again because it is so glorious….Best Writing and Lead Actor…GH is shut out.

That’s right folks…no admittedly hillairiously awkward speeches where the writers have to defend things like shooting 12 year olds in the head as an appropriate punishment.  No one praising the genius in all the wrong ways dialogue delivered by Franco.  One category where we will not hear anything about the “genius vision” of Bob Guza.

And no lead actors.  The long year of Emmy baiting for Maurice Bernard,  Steve Burton and Tony Geary has FAILED.  Ok so Steve Burton wasn’t on the pre-nom list.  But just about everything last year was designed to give another statue for the king of the duh face, one Maurice Bernard.  Michael’s waking up….Claudia’s miscarriage….Sonny setting Claudia up to be murdered…..Sonny participating in the dumbest cover up ever to be dumb!  And I will no longer have the recurrent nightmare of Tony Geary walking up to win for his reel on the Ethan storyline (cause we all know it was that right?) to tell us all how right he was about us being “challenged” and how the ridiculous history spitting ret-con of Ethan being a Spencer was , as he told us, the greatest storyline ever and how Nathan Parsons is the greatest actor ever and how Wendy Riche’s years were so over-rated and horrifiic.  I’d like to think of this as the karmic gods swinging that bomerang around to smack him for all those bitchy interviews he gave where he couldn’t wait to tell us all to quit with our cannon-loving whinning and accept it because he loved it so.   Karma is a bitch and I love it so!

So what say you? 

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