Sarcastic Clapping

{June 1, 2010}   Like a virgin…..

There are certain things that happen on GH that I don’t need to be told.  Because I am a reasonably intelligent viewer I can assume that if I watched a character grow up or at least go through adolescence on the show that I know if they are a virgin. I know this because when a long term character loses their virginity on a soap, we the viewers see this event. The rare time we don’t is in the case of rape, which quite frankly is a whole other kettle of fish about what a virgin is or isn’t that I don’t quite have the banwidth to get into right now. 

What I do not need is a scene where  Max Giambetti is litterally crying in his beer about how poor poor Mikey only wanted a hooker for 18th birthday and how sad it was he went to joint a virgin and how Max is now going to give up sex for the entire time Micheal is in the joint because it’s all his fault Mikey is a virgin behind bars.

I’m going to pause now while I once again loose my lunch.

First off who was really wondering if Michael was a virgin?  Who?  He’s never had a freaking girlfriend!  Oh sure the show talked a good game about bringing one on for him but then they went and recast the actor!  Considering he went from 12 to 17 in the space of a year I wasn’t thinking there was some retcon junior prom in there we just didnt’ see. Say what you want about SORAS…they don’t tend to make up major life events occuring during those time periods. 

And while I have no trouble that someone raised by Sonny “women are just there for my amusement and abusement” Corrinthos would consider using a hooker at all, I find it problematic to have this be revealed while the show is simultaneously trying to curry the sympathy of the unfairly convicted.  Sure I’m positive Max would have found the hooker with a heart of gold.  In fact I’ll even go so far to say that had Guza not decided on The Incredibly Horrible Place Jail Can Be Adventures, that it might have very well been that Michael met his first girlfriend as she would be a barely legal “baby hooker” looking to get out of the life she’s living.  I would award bonus points if she busted into a righteous song about how her body is her business, her business not his!  (Seriously, listen to The Life. Tell me that wouldn’t rock!)

And while I’d rather not think about Max’s sex life thank you very much, I even more so don’t want to hear it being discussed in the middle of Jake’s. With like people around.  Allegedly normal people!!  In hearing distance!  Plus…it’s two years.  TWO years.  It’s not like Michael is going away for life here people!  He could just be the 20 year old virgin which quite frankly is NOT A FREAK OF NATURE OK SHOW????

However all this pales in comparison to the fact this janky conversation is taking place at the same time the show is ohh soo “subtily” tell us Michael has been prision raped.  And of course by subtile I mean being completely obvious to the point blind people can see this reveal coming.   I know I don’t find them appealing at all but Max and Diane are supposed to be a fun light couple.  Trotted out for some brief comic relief and then shipped back to recurring land.  A jokey converstaion about how Max is going to give up sex because he wouldn’t get Mikey a hooker for his birthday and how Diane hates this during a male rape storyline.  There’s a good way to make a point about Michael being a virgin when this happened to him, and then there is this nasty digusting insulting way.

But what could we exepct from a show where the last time this situation happened had Jason laugh about how ridiculous the mere notion of male rape was?

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