Sarcastic Clapping

So earlier this year there was a couple on OLTL that had the Internet mass up nickname of Kish. A medical student and a cop this couple could easily and logically interact with most of the established canvas in the show. They looked gorgeous together. They had chemistry to burn. They had garnered tons of fan support and media attention.  They broke history by being the subject of the first gay love scene shown on daytime television on New Years Eve 2009. Oh did I forget to mention Kish was two smoking hot guys? Cause they were.  Anyways….they had a rabid fanbase that nicknamed themselves the KISH Army and I had never seen such an overwhelmingly positive reaction to a couple ever.   

And then the network rather callously and uncermoniously fired them because the “mainstream audience” didn’t respond to their storyline and apparenlty lowered OLTL’s sweeps ratings.  When they were barely on and the show focused on the attempted incest-rape of a mentally ill young woman by her own derranged father. Which I know is exactly the type of story I want to watch you know?  But yet despite a very tiny airtime count….KISH and their groundbreaking love story was deemed too gay for ABC and Disney’s mainstream audience.

Now I, like many others found that explanation insulting and prejudical beyond belief.  Especially given the way GH has been writing the Spinelli and Jason scenes this week.

I’m usually pretty good at picking up when I’m supposed to find scenes and storylines comedic.  And generally Spinelli is a good choice for comedy. But the scenes centering around Jason’s homecoming from Pentonville….where’s he’s been for all of a MONTH mind you  (ohhhh the horrors!!!) has left me questioning why Kish was deemed too gay for the mainstream while I’m watching Spinelli pout because Jason would rather hug his girlfriend (who has also spent the entire past month coming up with ways to have sex with Jason. ) than his inexplicably still living with him computer expert. 

It’s often been a joke that Spinelli is in love with Jason online but it seems that bit of fannon is now making it’s way to canon.  Let us examine the evidence.

Jason goes to jail to protect Michael. Spinelli spirals into a complete depression because Stone Cold is no longer with him.  A depression so deep he actually manages to look work than he normally does.  Which takes some effort.

His girlfriend-non-wife-essential person-clearly on her way out the door Maxie tries to distract him. Spinelli basically tells her that until Stone Cold is released from Pentonville nothing else matters to him.  This starts Maxie’s stupid plan to flirt with Matt to get Spin’s attention and it doesn’t work to the point I don’t know if Spin is aware Maxie is on crutches and did drastic horrible things to her hair. 

Spinelli goes to visit and Jason during the 24-7 Pentonville visitation program and proceeds to sad panda the entire visit about how much he misses Jason.

Jason comes home and Spinelli procedes to tell his girlfriend to get lost because he has to go shopping and make dinner for Stone Cold. 

He gets pouty because Jason hugged Sam…his girlfriend who was obsessed with conjugal visits and made a really skeevy attempt at phone sex with him…before him. 

Spinelli had a fantasy of him basically being Little Stone Cold complete with fist bumps and what I think was the mobster equivilant of “You complete me”. 

I know one of Spinelli’s defining characteristics has been “worshipful of Jason”.  But there’s admiring the guy and what I’ve been watching these past two days.  Because I swear that is basically the same script soaps give when they go the “Friend in love with friend but said friend is clueless and involved with another person” story.  I would be more surprised to know he’s not in love with Jason at this point. 

And to be quite honest….between the inappropriate chemistry and dialogue with Sonny, Lucky, Michael and Spinelli….maybe GH should go the really shocking route (no for real this time! I promise!) have Jason come out of the closet and become the leader of the Gay Mafia we heard so much about a few years ago.   Surely the mainstream audience will accept that storyline since there will be also guns and violence.

Is there a good way to blog vomit?  I mean the physical reminents of it?  Can anyone shed light on this?

Becasue vomit is precisely my reaction to Spinelli’s proposal to Maxie today….and the “wacky fun” of them annoying Jason with their sex-scpades. 

I know I am signing one of my interenet/blogging death warrents here but so be it.  (I’m sure my long standing hatred of Liason will be the other thing that will sign my death warrent. But that one is more fun!)  I FREAKING HATE SPIXIE!

I mean I would rather stab my eyes out with rusty sporks than watch a single scene of them.  When they talk, I feel the need to stick fingers in my ears and scream “LALALALALALA can’t hear you!” like my four year old second cousin does when he doesn’t want to go to bed.  THEY. ANNOY. ME.

First off I don’t buy Spinelli as a real live boy instead of a walking talking poorly written cartoon designed to give the finger to any passingly intelligent, internet savy fan of the show.  His introduction to the show served no purpose since Jason already HAD a computer expert on his payroll. Remember the poor departed hot Stan?  Yeah did the same job as Spinelli.  If the show wanted to do a “computer geek off”….ummm there is another character already on the canvas…who works for the side of GOOD which would have accomplished this.  Lucky Spencer.  And given that during the time Guza seemed to loooooove to put Jason and Lucky is some sort of competition (with Jason apparenlty winning by the most bizarre measures known to man.  He has no emotions about an infant being kidnapped! Clearly Jason is more awesome!)  The way he talks? UGH!  It was funny at first but enough is effing enough. He was in the freaking hospital as it was burning to the ground and he still had to use the nicknames?  Everyone else in town can say “Oh please save me Jason!”  Why can’t he?   

Plus the unending worship of Jason. The insanity that was him suggesting that if Jason told Lucky he was Jake’s father…why then Lucky would be overcome with sympathy for Jason and let him out of jail, ignoring the murder charges for a crime Jason did commit.   The crediting Jason with everything.  look I know he’s the font for Bob Guza’s unending and disturbing love of Jason Morgan, but we already have a whole show devoted to that.  That’s not enough for you? Ok lets talk about how the show tried to sell Spinelli, the computer hacker, as an INNOCENT VICTIM.  I am supposed to believe this computer genius (Who only ever hits the F7 key.  Yeah I noticed that GH) had no effing clue that what he was doing was illegal?  That it was aiding and abetting illegal operations?  Am I supposed to beleive that he thinks Jason really does live in a video game?????  And don’t get me started on the fact shortly before this we had to hear the umpteenth discussion about how Jason and Liz had to stay away from each other because of the DANGER.  Spinelli has a freaking arrow pointing at his head saying “DANGER FIND ME” and Jason never pushed him away.  (Ok maybe that’s more point and laugh at Jason but still it was one of the most HUH moments of those two years)

Not to mention the creation of Spinelli is directly responsible for the creation of Winnifred…and that is a crime against humanity that can not be allowed to stand! 

At best…when well written and not on screen 52 minutes a day…Spinelli is a comic relief character.  Good in short doses and for specific purposes.  Kinda like Coleman and Epiphany.  And they want me to see him as a romantic leading man?

Hells to the no.

I liked the idea of Georgie/Spinelli.  It made sense. Georgie was the smart good girl.  Spinelli the geek who was not intimidated by her intelligence and most likely wouldn’t crush her like Dillon did.  Got it. On board. Bring it on.  But Maxie?  Alright them becoming friends in the aftermath of Georgie’s senseless (and woo boy was it senseless) murder?  Alright I can see it. Spinelli developing a crush on Maxie? Ok I’ll buy it. But Maxie returning the feelings?  Not.  Sorry. Don’t see it.

I used to hate Maxie. During her pushing drugs on Lucky days I called her *Spits* exclusively.  But the further away from Lucky she got…the more I liked her.  She developed into her own bitchy misguided bad girl self.  And her hatred of Lulu mirrored my own.  But around Spinelli? Her voice goes up about thirty octives.  She praises him for the most inane things like using the word “Stupendous”.  She becomes clingy and dependent totally on him.  She adopts his completely illogical way of thinking.  Really if they prove Kate is behind the sabatogue of their own magazine, the new editors will keep her and Lulu on?  ON WHAT PLANET????  Not to mention her near constant praise of skills in the bedroom is just well GROSS.  I’m not saying geeks can’t be good in bed. I did watch Friends and that is how Ross got all the girls don’t we know.  But I don’t need to hear about all the flipping time.  And if I hear her say the freaking words “essential person” one more time…I am not going to be held responsible for what I do!

And now he wants to propose marriage?  OH MY GOD!  They haven’t even dated yet!  My couple Lucky/Liz gets the “moves way too fast” card slammed at them constantly and even they would sit back, to quote Joey Lawrence, and go “Whoa!”   He works two jobs and for reasons I’m not clear on he can’t seem to move out of Jason’s penthouse nor does he seem to want to.  What he and Maxie, the police commissioner’s DAUGHTER, are just going to move in to the home of the Holy Town Hit Man?  oh yeah….that’s a plan! 

Of course the good part of this insane speed up to over-exposed, overly-hyped summer couple of the moment…is that their inevitable destruction can’t be far behind……so that’s good. 

But oh the pain till it happens!

et cetera