Sarcastic Clapping

No I have not fallen off a cliff or been drive so mad by the insanity that passes for GH these days that I have been spending time in a real mental health facility. The sad, totally embarrassing truth is being my wonderfully klutzy self I tripped over what I suspect was my own two feet and ended up cracking my elbow.  So I’m sling bound and typing up until the past few days has been difficult and painful.  But rest assured I still have tons to say about the state of affairs in Port Charles.

Which is oh my god how can it be simulatniously bad and BORING????  You can’t be both!  You have to pick one and stick with it!  Was there ever in the history of daytime a more anti-climataic and outright dumb kidnapping than the one Helena did with Luke and Tracy?  Where was the suspense? Where was the mystery?  What the hell was that piece of crap accent Lucky adopted and what was with the world’s most obvious cat burgler outfit he wore?  Did anyone else get lost in his speech to Nikolas? It was about Elizabeth…it wasnt’ about Elizabeth…..Nik said something but I don’t remember because I was too busy wondering what was on that to-do list Tyler Christopher was actually thinking about and when did Nik stop having a neck. 

I was also confused by the notion that Elizabeth can’t afford to send to daycamp…but Lucky has enough money to fly to Greece on a freaking hunch not based in actual reality?  (Just me confused by the notion that Luke being missing this time, as opposed to when he disappears this time every year, was wrong becuse he wouldn’t leave a kid in trouble from teh son who Luke abandoned during his drug addiction, his son’s TWO kidnapping attemps and the whole being trapped in a toxic burning hosptial thing?????) Or the ohhhh so progressive notion that money is truly a great indicator of a man’s worth as a partner.  If Shirley starts waxing about how Nik’s money is soo awesome one more time…I’m poisoning her chemo treatments myself. 

As for Michael all I have to say is…Guza…you are fooling no one. Everyone with eyes, and a few of those who are blind can completely see that Michael was raped.  We also know you are holding out the actual on-air reveal of this for sweeps because that’s the only time you actually write a soap opera.  Quit treating us like we are morons you non-Emmy winning twit. (More on THAT later!)

The making of Brooklyn as basically a prostitue grates on my ever loving last nerve because well they are making a Q a prostitue people!  It’s so wrong! As is the notion working for Carly is a better option for a Q than taking money from Edward.

I really want to see the visiting hours at Pentonville because going by the number of times Jason gets into that visiting room it’s apparently 24 hours a day over there.  Was there not one guard from the last time Jason was there that remembered the last time “Brenda Morgan” showed up at Pentonville she was a blonde and looked completely different?  Also did Guza think we all forgot that was the exact same scam Carly used?  Ok yeah the answer to that is probably.  That is if he remembered he did the exact same thing two years ago.  Which he probably didn’t. He probably thought he was clever or something and dropping a subtle hint about Brenda’s return.

Which quite frankly if that’s his idea of subtle…having characters randomly starting to mention her….well I think we need to chip in and send Guza to writing school to grasp basic concepts here. 

Maybe it will help him win that Emmy that eluded him oh so gracefully last night?

It’s a sad sad thing when the best part of my GH watching experience of the past two weeks is seeing them get TROUNCED at the Emmys.  I know they won several at the technical awards held the previous night and I figured they would for the HD transition.  Julie Berman’s repeat didn’t surprise me because the description of the other reels sucked.  Her’s was about the only somewhat soapy one to choose from.  Billy Miller upsetting both Jonathan Jackson AND Bradford Anderson?  The stuff dreams are made of.  Judging from the continual confusion I saw throughout the internet from people who didn’t understand why Jonathan Jackson submitted the Christmas Eve “Luke you are the most awesome person ever” speech over the confrontation….I think GH was hoping to use THAT performance to propel a win in this category.  If you all didn’t know what was on Carolyn Hennesy’s reel be thankful. Sufiicive to say it involved Max and sex and quite frankly we need discuss it no more than that.  B&B winning best show two years in a row with two years of legitimately soapy episodes over the GH trick of submitting their best gimmick was wonderful. As was the icing on the cake since GH did submitt a Greg Vaughan heavy episode while acting like Jonathan Jackson is the only one who’s ever played the part at the same time.  This my friends is what karma looks like.

As for the rest of the Emmys, I was thrilled to see ATWT get the majority of the acting awards the same week they stopped taping the show.  It was beautiful and was a better tribute to the show than that SAD AND PATHETIC clip tribute they got out of their own mother effing network!  (Yes we just HAD to have a hotel tour didn’t we? I’ve been to the Las Vegas Hilton….it’s not that glamorous.  At all.  In fact, it’s pretty freaking cheesey. It has a Star Trek casino and wedding chapel people! THIS was the home of the Emmys!  Klassy!)  I know there was a lot of grumbling about the lack of tributes to the legends in daytime we’ve lost but I am willing to bet the thought process was that since they died in 2010….honor them at next year’s Emmys.  Which undoubtedly will probably take place in the resturant at the Holiday Inn Airport Hotel in Los Angeles.


{May 12, 2010}   And the nominees are….

There are days when it feels the soap gods conspire against me.   Days when popular actors get fired for no good reason other than a publicity stunt.  Days when a major defining storyline of this show gets retconned because apparently the casting department doesn’t think it’s possible for an actor to drop an accent for a role. (Ed Westwick and Hugh Laurie have been completely facinated by this concept)  Days when all I hear is effusive over-praise for a scene specifically designed to trick the critics into thinking a show had turned a corner instead of just shoving out steaming piles of the same old crap. 

And then there are days like today.  When the soap gods smile down on me and say “That will do pig. That will do.”

I know what you are thinking…it’s Emmy nomination day.  I know she has HUGE issues with at least two of these nominees.  Has she completely flipped her lid?  And I am here to tell you that no…no I have not. My admittedly limited grasp on sanity is still in tact.  We shall take these in by category.

Best Show: General Hospital

I really do hate it when the word “best” is redefined and no one has told me.  It’s annoying.  The idea this putrid show is the best at anything other than raising my blood pressure is ridiculous.  However this show submitted the CarnEvil.  You know the big stunt they shot in their parking lot and proceded to act like it was a blooming new concept…this each day building on each other thing?  And if there is one thing we all know the Emmy voters love…it’s a big stunt show.  So figuring that…I’ll go with they did the Monday after Edward plowed the car into the carnival…becuase they had a montage…and action…and of course Jason’s Walk of Pain. 

If there is one thing this show can do it’s gimmick’s way into this category and win.  (cough*PC Hotel Fire*cough)  So while it causes a massive eye roll..I am honestly not shocked by this one.

Lead Actress – Sarah Joy Brown as Claudia Zaccarah

I have a love-hate relationship with Sarah Joy Brown. I always hate….haaaaaaatttteeeee…..any character she plays.  However I do recognize she is a phenomenally talented actress.  So I am thrilled that she was recognized for trying to make a poorly written, not at all planned, stunt casting ratings bid role in any way workable.  Bonus points are awarded because Bob Guza can no longer try to blame Sarah for the role’s absolute failure.  Not to say I love Claudia or I want that train wreck of a character honored in any way. I don’t and I am 1000% Team Crystal in this category because for serious have you seen Otalia?  (Also Crystal Chappell is magical and pissing her off might make the soap gods angry.  We don’t want them angry) 

Supporting Actress – Carolyn Hennesy as Diane Miller

You know I realize the category says supporting actress…I didnt’ realize it meant RECURRING CHARACTER?  What was her reel?  Five episodes spliced together?  I think Carolyn Hennesy is great and all ( even if I’m likely completely screwing the spelling of her last name.) it’s just…what the hell did she do last year?  The moving story of Max’s issues feeling like he was her sex toy?  <barf>  Telling Sonny to do something while he duh faces and ignores her?  WHAT? I ask of you WHAT?

Supporting Actor – Bradford Anderson as Damien Spinelli

Supporting Actor- Jonathan Jackson as Lucky Spencer

Starting with Spinelli since well it’s the less ragey of the two. I know who would have thunk it?  Bradford Anderson when tones down the annoying aspects of Spinelli is talented and he had relatively good stuff during the Spixie non-wedding.  Based on previous reels, he tends to pick comedy when he should pick drama and that’s killed him in the past.  This year I can actually rationalize this one, which is more than I can say the first time he was nomminated and all I could come up with was “some good scenes on Night Shift“.

And now for Jonathan Jackson.  I knew this nod was coming the second I heard the casting bomb drop.  I’ll even let it fly I firmly believe his name is on that trophy as we speak and the other nominees could just send in reels with their pictures on it for the cameramen to find them for all the “competition” this category actually is.  Jonathan is a great actor and often desreves the praise he gets. Except all he did in 2009 was show up.  That’s it.  Other than that?  Nada.  He played Lucky as clueless.  He played Lucky as annoyed with Luke.  He played Lucky as in love with Liz and stupidly trusting the wrong person.  Yeah been there. Done that. Seen it in 2007 with another actor.  Oh he’ll win…and he’ll win next year (and that one will be “deserved” or whatever) but let’s not kid ourselves. This is a “welcome back” Emmy. This is why back in the day…his name was always thrown out there as a reason why the Emmy system needed to change since the nominating commitee would give him the nod even when he didn’t do anything.  That’s right people…outside of the awards he won (which were deserved) his constant nominee status was actually a source of eye rolls in the 90s.  Hillariously I remember the complaints by respected soap experts about Tyler Christopher would always be overlooked so long as Jon was around since Jon was the name.   That’s right folks…he was often cited as a reason why we needed a pre-nom process.  Don’t you just love the irony? I do!

Younger Actress – Julie Marie Berman as Lulu Spencer

Julie is a great actress and she finally is in a pairing that doesn’t bomb within seconds!  So yeah for that! And Lulu is actually speaking sense and sometimes remembering she’s a member of the Spencer family and not Carly’s mob family. So I may at some point stop hating the character on sight.  However…I’m a little at a loss as to what she did that was sooo spectactular.  There was the break-up with Johnny….and that’ s it really. 

Younger Actor – Drew Garret as Michael Corrinthos III

The greatest part about this is if Drew wins AS HE SHOULD SOAP GODS….then we will get the fantastically confused and uncomfortable faces of TIIC.  All I ask CBS…is one camera shot of Brian Frons’s face when this happens.  Just one.  All I ask. 

I know what you are thinking….that’s a lot of complaining she just did. What’s up with this soap gods are happy nonsense?  But did you notice what categories GH got blanked in?  Best Writing and Lead Actor.

Let’s say it again because it is so glorious….Best Writing and Lead Actor…GH is shut out.

That’s right folks…no admittedly hillairiously awkward speeches where the writers have to defend things like shooting 12 year olds in the head as an appropriate punishment.  No one praising the genius in all the wrong ways dialogue delivered by Franco.  One category where we will not hear anything about the “genius vision” of Bob Guza.

And no lead actors.  The long year of Emmy baiting for Maurice Bernard,  Steve Burton and Tony Geary has FAILED.  Ok so Steve Burton wasn’t on the pre-nom list.  But just about everything last year was designed to give another statue for the king of the duh face, one Maurice Bernard.  Michael’s waking up….Claudia’s miscarriage….Sonny setting Claudia up to be murdered…..Sonny participating in the dumbest cover up ever to be dumb!  And I will no longer have the recurrent nightmare of Tony Geary walking up to win for his reel on the Ethan storyline (cause we all know it was that right?) to tell us all how right he was about us being “challenged” and how the ridiculous history spitting ret-con of Ethan being a Spencer was , as he told us, the greatest storyline ever and how Nathan Parsons is the greatest actor ever and how Wendy Riche’s years were so over-rated and horrifiic.  I’d like to think of this as the karmic gods swinging that bomerang around to smack him for all those bitchy interviews he gave where he couldn’t wait to tell us all to quit with our cannon-loving whinning and accept it because he loved it so.   Karma is a bitch and I love it so!

So what say you? 

Here it is…the contractually obligated soap blogger Emmy post.  (it is also in the soap blogger contract that you will never ever be happy and your favortive couple/character will be continually screwed over just so you have something to blog about. Trust me, it’s in the fine print.)

I have to admit that overall I am ok with the winners.  The Best Supporting Actor tie was unexpected and completely awesome. David Izzary’s reel was pure soapy goodness and Jeff Branson’s was hands down the best one of the group.  Overall my issues with Lulu are due more to the pet style writing Guza gives her (every action justified and every new character in her age range gets thrown right at her in a chem test) than Julie Marie Berman’s performance.  Although clearly whoever hates Lulu in the wardrobe department has it out for Julie in real life.  Julie…..when even the insane “chicken and the egg” guy from Project Runway would sit back and go “I think you went a little off the deep end”…its time to get a new stylist.  Just is. Although Bree Williamson had the best reel, Tamara Braun is equally good and I’m not upset at a gimme Emmy for trying to make Carly and the hideous Reese work on some level. 

And yes I did the dance of joy to the soap gods that I did NOT have to sit through an entire speech of Tony Geary trying not to gloat, dropping the name of Nathan Parsons and giving me new reason to hate the word “challenge”.  His reel was over-indulgent Emmy bait that failed and I’m glad it did.  Christian LeBlanc is hillarious and a great actor, and even though I was rooting so hard for Daniel Cosgrove and Peter Reckell I can make my peace with Christian.  (alright it doesn’t it hurt that he’s friends with Greg Vaugan and convinced Greg to start  a Twitter account which in turn led to Greg giving me the greatest mental images EVER in life!  Seriously Greg never ever stop tweeting aboout being in the shower. NEVER. I don’t care what the haters say. JUST ALWAYS DO IT)

And the internet love was great. 

I wish I could say the Best Writing Emmy for GH and Bob Guza’s skipping the ceremony surprised me but it didn’t. They submitted Michael’s shooting, which was clearly the Emmy bait push of the year.  And given the reaction to it, and the complete and total lack of consequences it inspired, I’m not shocked in the least that Bob skipped the ceremony.  From the reports over at Deep Soap and A Thousand Other Worlds, the press was grilling the writers, causing them to try to say that GH does show the consequences of violence, which no one bought and caused at least one vetern soap journalist to say something completely hillarious and unprintable.  There is no greater arguement for a revamping of the Emmy procedure than the words “Best Writing -General Hospital”. 

The less said about that fashion show the better. That was unnecessary and seriosusly they couldnt’ have cut that out in favor of an “In Memorium” segment?  It’s not like anyone HUGE in daytime died this year or anything.

The Guiding Light tribute…while I am happy they did recognize the show come on, was the broadcast timed by Brian Frons?  The tie for Best Supporting Actor was surprising…but you know what? CUT SOMETHING ELSE OUT.  The fans of GL and B&B deserved more than the three seconds they got.  Again the “fashion” tribute could have not been there all together and I’m sure that no one would mind in the least.

et cetera