Sarcastic Clapping











{May 27, 2010}   Crystal blue confusion….

I admit that I am a blonde who’s hair has gone darker as I have gotten older.  So I am no stranger to sterotypical stupid moments where I forget something basic or say something horrifically dumb. Add into this mix the fact I am basically shy and highly prone to embarrassment and you’ll understand why I have taken to the internet to express myself.  (It admittedly doesn’t explain why I have always worked retail jobs that kinda depend on being outgoing and friendly but that’s why there’s therapy people!)  The point of my sharing is to admit that I have come to expect a fair bit of confusion to occur in my daily life and Lord knows since I watch GH, my soap as well.   And usually, there’s one..just one storyline where while it might make me want to spit nails in hatred, at least it makes sense. 

And then there are weeks like the past few on GH.  Where nothing makes sense!

Lets start with the big kettle of fish…The Terribly True Adventures of Guilty but Should Get a Free Pass Michael in Pentonville.  You all did you know prison was a bad place???  It’s completely new to me!  Why people who go there are bad…and like committed crimes….well not like Michael heroically commiting crimes but like the crimes that the enemies of Sonny always commit to take down Sonny.  Thank you Bob Guza for committing such a valuable public service to tell us that prisons are filled with criminals, corrupt guards and rapists.  Cause I’d never know.

And speaking of rapist…..Michael was raped show. We get it.  We the audience figured it out.  We’ve seen a soap before so we know that scrambling away from someone when they touch you is the sign of rape, much like fainting always only means pregnancy.  And I will admit that a well written, thoughtful portrayal of a man struggling with a sexually based attack, trying to come to terms with what not only his victimization but what it says about his sexuality would be groundbreaking.  However considering when Jax was chained spread eagle to a bed while he was kidnapped and forced to sleep with Irina because she threatened to kill Carly, I’m throughly confused as to why we are going down this well with Jason clearly going to end up being Michael’s trusted confidant (because again I have watched this show before) when the same situation happened to Jax….Jason laughed at it.   Giggled the entire time at the very idea that. So when he inevitably becomes sad panda over what has befallen Michael….I’m going to spend roughly 99% of the time wondering if he’s going to go to Jax and apologize for being such a dickwad.  And I know that’s not going to happen so that makes me  more confused as to why I’m supposed to find this dunderhead a hero in the first place!

Plus if the intent of the show is merely to inspire blog posts and internet discussions about whether or not GH would go that route and this is all an elaborate “gotcha” well I have to give an F on it.   It sends a dangerous message much like their notion that abuse is only physical.  This does happen in our society and I think it could be a potentially fantastic storyline to explore.  But to use it as a titliating buzz piece is just wrong.  Go there or don’t but don’t use it as a tease. 

Also speaking of Michael, if someone can explain to me why if Sonny goes to jail, everyone thinks Michael will go free I would be excellent.   I understand the concept of no politician wanting to help the son of a known gangster get out of trouble lest they seem soft on crime.  That makes total sense.  And I have no issues with people wanting to put Sonny in jail. Gold star for admittedly futile efforts there.  But why would Sonny going to jail clear the way for Michael to get out?  I mean know he’s going to get out but what politician would work overtime to free an 18 year old who admitted in open court that he killed a woman, participated in a cover up, fled the country to avoid prosecution and knew all of it was wrong?  Politicians won’t get involved in cases of women serving insane prison terms because their boyfriends made them unwilling drug mules but because Michael, who admitted to killing  a woman and was given the minimum sentence as a freaking gift since everything that backed up his claim of “self defense” (which is still a crock of crap.  Justifiable homicide sure but it wasn’t self defense)  was destroyed they will?  I can live in the Never Never Land they do cause clearly it’s some kind of wonderland.

Now between Claire’s self admitted baby rabies and Sonny’s status as Sperminator of Port Charles, I am deeply terrified that we are well on our way to the arrival of Sonny’s ninth child.    So in theory I have no issue with Lucky giving Claire the rundown on all the brunettes who have failed to take down Sonny but ended up in his bed.  And while I recognize a “wink wink nudge nudge” metajoke when I see one but when Lucky name dropped Hannah only one thought ran through my mind.  “Yeah I know she’s on the list and all but holy hell Detective weren’t you presumed dead, kidnapped and brainwashed through most of her time in Port Charles?  What you weren’t allowed to remember your family at all but worrying about Sonny’s love life was A-Ok as far as Helena was concerned? What the hell type of evil plot is that?” (Also pointing out the repeated nature of these storylines does not mean I’m not going to totally make fun of it if/when this storyline kicks in there show.  Nice try!) 

But then again….when you consider the “brillance” of Helena’s latest plot is it any wonder one of her most famous capers now doesnt’ seem to make much sense in light of that rundown?  For as many times as the show has promised us Helena will reveal her evil plan…I’m still waiting.  Also..Helena disappeares and it never occurs to Nik to check Greece?  Much like Luke’s dreaded Dr. Von Skimmerman “disguise”….Greece has only been her immediate choice of hiding place since well FOREVER.  And how did Luke know A – Helena wasn’t in town and B – was in Greece?  He didn’t check Wyndemere? Pay Nik a visit? Attempt to bribe Alfred? (You know Alfred is totally on Helena’s payroll.  You just know.)  Also still wondering why Nik is being so threatened by information he’s known since roughly 1998 and manipulation he’s seen no evidence of at all.  It would make way more sense if he was being bitchy to Lucky if I don’t know he overheard Lucky and Liz having a mature, supportive discussion or seen Liz asking Lucky to help her with Helena but he hasn’t.   And while I know Helena’s entire plan hinges on all three of them being at odds so she can work….I’m still stuck on what exactly her plan will accomplish and then we’ve entered the vicious cycle of hell and I want to get off this sick cycle carosel!

Alas it’s not just Luke and Lucky stuck in crazy cakes land. Now while Lulu is admittedly a moron of the highest order for trusting Carly one wit after Carly basically blamed her for global warming and all but well she is Lulu.  And it’s not even her I’m all that confused by. No it’s Brooklynn.  I don’t want to hate a Q but I fear I will with this.  She’s in credit trouble and yet I’m supposed to believe neither Ned or Lois is aware of this? HA!  Or that Edward doesnt’ pay like double that amount to keep himself in jaunty hats? Or that the Qs wouldnt’ rally to help her and bring her back under their roof to save her if they got any whiff of issues with Brooklyn? Or that Brooklyn could be in town for like two weeks and the Qs would not have descended on her and Edward force her to move back in as his great-granddaughter?  But all that’s kid’s play compared to the real confusion.

What in the name of Greg Vaughan did she do to her face?  It’s non-moving. It’s scary. It’s distracting.

And Patrick..oh Patrick…when did you regress to your daughter’s age?  What the hell was that today?  He’s the only one who can do any surgery?  I’m not complaining about the subsequent Robin defending Steven as awesome…but my god he was a whiney cry baby today over nothing.  And I’m sorry to the many Scrubs fans out of there…I am still not seeing how this is the start of Lisa being Fatal Attraction.   This is Patrick being a whiney bitch.

Normally I would write off this confusion as the results of a week that was too much work and not enough sleep but I really don’t think it is!

Advertisements


Why is it the simplist ideas are often the hardest for people to grasp? And while I certainly am a big fan of lazy ways when it comes to things like getting exercise into my daily routine (hey parking the car at the far end of the block is exercise dang it!) and eating healthy (individual peach pie is good for a fruit serving right?)  when it comes to my soaps I want something more than the laziest possible scenario. 

As par for the course…lazy writing has been in abundance on GH these past few days. Well lazier than usual that is.

First there is the High King of the Lazy Plot….Jason’s “noble”  plan to go to jail on nothing charges to protect Michael.  First off lets start with the fact that this whole thing could have been handled by having Jason testify at Sonny’s trial (Since you know everyone testified that he and Sam were in the cabin anyways), perjury himself like Carly did twice and then take a deal to serve time for perjury in a deal he makes that sends him to prison to protect Micahel and Carly.  It would be therefore in character, plausible (well as plausible as anything is that every enemy of Sonny’s is in Pentonville but not one of the flunkies who’s taken the fall for these lunkheads wouldn’t be) and he would still be in jail for like the five days this will last. 

Plus it would also explain why the very real concept of a “prison transfer” has not been brought up by anyone!  Or the fact given the circumstances, Michael would likely get one pretty easily.  Andn it would also stop the ridiculous notion that since My Baby Daddy Judge Carroll dared to sentence Michael for a crime he did commit (and admitted to…in open court under oath) that was a pretty freaking big gift since you know all the evidence that backed up Michael’s story was destroyed by the Trio of Terror, then the only logical course of action is to blackmail him into letting Michael go.

I hadnt’ gone deaf from running pokers in my ears during Jason and Lucky’s “goodbye” scene to miss that Lucky was cheerfully advocating blackmailing a judge to Dante.  You all if that is Lucky’s alleged “Spencer edge”? Then it can go away.  If Lucky and Dante are sooo disillusioned with the way the court handled Michael’s case (And really Lucky’s lived in this town for how long and he thought it was going to go that way?  MORON!) then here’s the simple solution. They quit the force and start a  PI firm.  Wow! What an out there concept! But no…now we have to deal with two upstanding cops who were militantly anti-mob becoming dirty to protect a child of the mob who would and has spit on them more than once just because they are cops!

But that isn’t nearly as stupid as the tidal wave of idiotacy that is coming from Wyndemere these days.  Can someone please explain to me why Nik would allow Helena to move in, have access to the child she kidnapped before and within fifty feet of the child he beleives is his and use small words so I can understand it.  And while you are at it…if you can figure out why Helena is being able to manipulate himwith information he’s known since approximately 1998 that would be great as well.  He keeps going around town telling everyone he’s got an eye on Helena and he’s handling her.  Yeah tell that to the dead lab tech.  And Tracy.  But because the entire plot of Helena switching the paternity test requires her to stay in town and talk loudly about how she’s going to use this baby to destory the Spencers, then she must illogically stay at Wyndemere and not…say her own freaking suite with Thor at the MetroCourt.



First off I must apologize for neglecting you all this week shamelessly.  I had an unexpected tragedy in my family that required me to go back home to deal but I am back and ready to start dealing with the daily nightmare that is GH.

I must say though that I did have a few small moments of glee today.  And surprisingly it did not involve watching “The Power of Madonna” for the 90th time today.    Plus…in a completely shocking turn of events….neither of these events involved Steven Webber!  I know! I didn’t think it was possible either.

Let us start with the most obvious and clearly most deserving of thanks…..we have not been cursed with Jucky in almost two weeks. Oh sure I know that I still have tomorrow and clearly who else will Lucky confide his concerns about Elizabeth and her growing closeness with MCP to?  But with Michael missing the fact that Jason has not called Lucky 24-7 to get him to find Michael makes me smile hugely. 

And in a move I’ve only been asking for since….well she appeared lets be honest….finally someone realized that Helena’s interest in keeping Elizabeth and Lucky apart (so she can raise the newest Cassadine) is more than a little off.  Even more shocking for me…the fact the person was Luke made me grin.  LUKE MADE ME GRIN!  Seriously I did not think it was possible.

So the closing arguments were beyond stupid and Diane’s basically amounted to “Claire is a mean mean person and Claudia is a meaner person who deserved it”.    And yes I will pray for death because seriously they are insisting on showing jury deliberations….but still I did do a dance of joy over the closing arguments which means we are thismuch closer to ending this entire farce of a trial for good!  Who doesn’t get a small flutter of happiness over that? 

So three things….three things that made me happy that involved GH….and I thought those days were over!



You know for a show that has been filled with whackadoo violence the past two days….and trust on this one…Johnny’s graduation to the lead actor ranks today with that ridiculous threatening of Claudia WILL be addressed….there’s something else that is completely bugging me.

So when we  last saw Luke Spencer…in between wishing for his death….we saw him get nabbed by one of Helena’s famous boy toys.  And now we discover that Helena…the fabulous wonderful evil unstoppable Helena was bested by this till now unknown Cassadine…with a really silly name.  Valentin? Really?  And all the guards are now under Valentin’s orders.  I’m assuming we’re supposed to beleive that he sent those text messages to Toothy and Lulu…..yet strangely not to Lucky.  Although trust me I am really glad he’s not involved in this hot mess.

Yet…..to break out Luke and Helena….they call…Nikolas?  Who what? Told the guards to let them go? 

All it took was a call to Nikolas to end this?

And I’m supposed to be scared of this new crazy Cassadine?  He can’t even inspire more fear than Puffy Nik!!!!! 

I’m scarier than Puffy Nik!

Shouldn’t the start of a great Spencer-Cassadine story actually I don’t know…be interesting?



et cetera