Sarcastic Clapping

In a sea of insanity….where a father who signed away his legal rights to his son two years ago is acting like he can stop an adoption (Newsflash Sonny…when you sign a termination of parental rights….it’s generally pretty final.  So shut it Weeble.).  Where a comptent (ok semi-comptent) single female lawyer overnight comes down with the biggest case of baby rabies this side of Robin Scorpio in the first season of Night Shift.   Where a hitman going to jail is considered a sacrifice…a sacrifice for his nephew while the very idea of changing anything so he could be in his own son’s life was just a completely foreign concept.  Where the response to the FOURTH request to remove your crazy-ass grandmother from your house and your life is treated as if it’s A- the first time it’s been said and B – just a fluffed up concern that’s really over nothing even though the last time you told the world you had Helena Mother Effing Cassadine under control, you ended up in jail framed for her faked murder.  And where I just watched two cops who have sworn to uphold the law debate bribing a judge because HE SENTENCED A LEGAL ADULT WHO ADMITTED TO KILLING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IN OPEN COURT TO FIVE FREAKING YEARS IN JAIL.   In this sea of insanity that is the typical daily GH grind and on a day when ABC proudly announces that James Franco is returning….and all I can see is more pretentious interviews, more backhanded insults to soap fans and the return of Franco’s obsessive love of Jason…so that just causes my head to hurt.  In all this…we need a happy place. 

And today…this show actually gave us one!

Thank you for being a friend Scott Reeves! 

Photo coursey of Lisa W’s Soap Heaven

I have enough issues going on in my life right now that I don’t need to watch GH with the following expression on my face for the entire hour.

For the one thing it causes frown lines.  For another it’s not very attractive if not even Steven Lars Webber can pull it off!  And for a final point, one of the hallmarks of daytime is you can figure out what is going on.  And I don’t mean in the repetivie, only morons could miss the point way…I mean in the “Hey I forgot to tape yesterday but the show is still governed by the rules of logic and reason” sort of way.

Because today’s episode?  I think Lost is less confusing!

Ok now first off yes I was eye rolling of the notion that Lucky Spencer, father of TWO children got a one bedroom apartment and put a giant pool table in it just like the one Jason has.  Sure GH….I so beleive that.  But someone please tell me the point of that entirely stupid scene?  Nik couldn’t ask… a lawyer? Alexis?  Anyone else this?  I give Lucky credit for not slugging his assuming ass but really they haven’t spoken and Nik thinks this is the appropraite way to start talking?  Trying to get information he could have gotten from just about anyone else in town?  I just….what the hell was the point? 

Ok now generally I feel the less said about Jason’s “brilliant” and “noble” sacrifice the better. It’s so unbelivable stupid and insane it doesn’t deserve attention.  Because as if, in respect to the idea that if the freaking federal government of the United States of America would go “oh wait…you’ll volunteer to go to jail for a mobster we have evidence to put away?  And while your in jail said mobster will be free to continue to run his criminal empire? Why win win for us all!”  And the idea that I should find this a deep and loving and unselfish sacrifice of Jason, a person who has killed on Sonny’s behalf for years and who helps run this criminal empire, is insulting and makes me want to vomit.   But then Sam started in….and her argument that Jason shouldn’t go to jail because Jake needed him to raise him since Elizabeth is unstable……and I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle her.  Memo to GH…the time to make Jason/Jake happened sailed like three years ago.  As Jason rightly observed yesterday Jake doesn’t have a clue who he is.  And every ounce of social worker in me screams at the notion that tearing a three year away from the only family he’s ever known just because Jason is allegedly his biological father and that should trump all. 

I do admit I laughed at Jason’s expression when Sam brough Jake up.

I think that was supposed to be regret but all I saw was trying to remember who this Jake person was.

Hey look everyone!  It’s a Magical Cancer Patient! Sent to make us all appreciate our lives and improve them in every single way!

Why I bet she has a love of life and stories that will relate in meanigful ways to several characters and give them a new lease on life and love!  Look at the pure goodness and wisdom radiating from her skin!  Why I bet she can even help cure a still un-named mental disorder!

I really want to like this story I do…..but I just have this feeling…..she’s going to be way too Pollyanna for me. Although I do give GH props for being honest in how Magical Cancer Patient will leave us.

Can’t say they aren’t letting us know up front can we?

I have gone on record that I hate how stupid this paternity switch storyline is making everyone…everyone including Helena. But you know what I hate more?  When it forces great talents like Jane Elliot and Constance Towers to play material that is so beneth them.

First off you actually thought Tracy overheard what Helena was talking about I do feel compelled to ask….have you seen a soap opera before? The only way to overhear something is through a door in clear view of everyone who somehow cant’ see you!  Now Tracy and Helena sparring ranks up there with Helena and Alexis sparring truly (and we got both in one episode!) but still playing this ridiculously stupid storyline is beneth all of them.

You know I get that Alexis has had one hell of an early Spring. I do. And I can understand her wanting to see her daughter happy for just a fraction of a second after all that Kristina has been through. I even understand Kristina not wanting to be in the hospital and being ashamed of herself. Totally get all of that. But for reals when did Alexis have a brain transplant?  She credited Nikolas with being good with kids for Kristina smiling?????  Nikolas?  And not say Spencer and his sweater vest?

His fobbing his parenting duties off on Kristina today instead of Alfred is supposed to make me swoon?  Oh what the feck ever GH.  He did nothing.  And while I recognize your way obvious attempts to whitewash the fact Nik is a complete and total tool come on. You spent roughly the last six months having random characters walk around and take pot shots about his parenting skills. Helena even pointed out to Alexis today that he sucks.  And I was supposed to give him credit?  Any credit for Kristina smiling goes to Spencer and his always present sweater vest.  (Also…toatlly impressed both Kristina and Spencer acted like they knew who the other one was! That must be that Cassadine breeding we keep hearing about.)

Oh and when Alexis pointed out to Nik that Helena was clearly up to something and Nik declared he had it under control?  Was I supposed to be impressed?

The man couldn’t tell he was being scammed by Rebecca despite being told point blank by at least three different people that was what she was doing until Lucky let him know Ethan copped to it.  Helena was able to fake her death!  He thinks every day is opposite day! He totally thought that once Lucky had a minute to think about it, he would jump for joy at the prospect of Nik and Liz hooking up.  He thought Liz staying in a hospital that Helena controls (which he knows about) and taking a paterntiy test in a hospital under her real name  with Helena in town was all a good idea AND apparenlty couldnt’ figure out a way to hide a second paternity test from Helena!   I don’t have confidence he could find his way out of Wyndemere if he didn’t have Alfred to tell him where to go! 

This is the person who has Helena under control?

You know on second thought…maybe Alexis didn’t have brain damage after all. Maybe just questionable taste?

Photos by Lisa W’s Soap Heaven

In the past two days…as is typical with GH…there have been so moments of awesome and some moments of downright horror.  I think we need to start from the bottom and work our way up.

The Horror

I do not want to know what is going on there.  I think it might be safer for us all if we dont’ know what is going on there.  Is he trying to make us long for the glory days of the white man jheri curl perm?  I know Luke has a severe allergy to appearing old (at least that’s my current reason for having nothing to do with Lucky’s children.  I mean I don’t see him passing up the opportunity to tell an entire new generation that Lucky becoming a cop was the worst decision in the history of the entire world!)  but soemtimes you just got to let the fight go.

Probably Only Written to Drive Me Personally Nuts


Can anyone explain the recent bromance between Jason and Lucky to me?  In terms that involve logic and common sense that is?  Cause I don’t get it.  Look I don’t think these two hate each other. I really don’t.  But this buddy-buddy “scratch my back and well Jason won’t really scratch yours but it will appear to be that” stuff is just….insane. First off, is there really no one else in town that Lucky can spill his issues with Elizabeth to besides the last guy she cheated on him with?  You know, the one that is allegedly the biological father of Jake?  The child Lucky beleived for almost a year was his until no one could take the lying about it for Jason’s sake?  I mean I get he can’t talk to Nikolas about this.  Luke is about as unbiased as a Korean short track speed skating fan.  Ethan…well in my mind Ethan doesn’t exist.  Lulu is back to pretending Lucky doesn’t exist.  Leave it to this particular storyline that Guza remembers he freaking isolated Lucky for a decade for no apparent reason! 

I know that in Guza world all stories must involve either Jason or Sonny.  And sure if I beleived for one second Jason cared about Jake, I get the fact that he would be concerned about the out of nowhere trip to Shadybrooke Elizabeth took.  But all this discussing of Lucky’s feelings…Jason giving Lucky advice about how to handle this situation…..the two them practically getting ready to make out in front of us…..makes no sense.  Jason suddenly being cocerned for how this affects Lucky rings false since the previous two years Jason seemed to place concern for Lucky under “concern for the Qs” on his list of priorities.  Also, for all the internet chatter about how Lucky is suddenly super smart (he’s really not…its just the rest of the town is now allowed to consider his ideas instead of laughign at them), only rank idiots of the first order think the perfect person to continually confide your relationships woes to is the secret biological father of the child you are pretending to raise so no dangerous mobsters can harm him or his mother, who cheated on you to produce said child. 

Jason and Lucky being besties is like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston becoming best friends and shopping buddies tomorrow. 

So Stupid It Could Only Involve Nikolas Cassadine

I’m not made of stone.  The sight of Cam and Jake in their matching haircuts visiting the mommy will of course melt me like a giant stick of butter.  They are impossibly cute and Cameron can do no wrong.  Never ever.    But it’s the reason why they came to visit.

Not because their great-grandmother brought them.  Not because their equally awesome and adorable uncle brought them. Not because their parents talked and decided how they would explain mommy’s visit to the funny farm together in a way that is not terrifying to them.  No. They visited because their meddling, can’t take a hint uncle decided this was the perfect opportunity to make himself look like a family man and not the type of guy who ignores his own kid constantly.   

Did it cross his phenomneally huge floating head this might not be the best idea.  As has been noted many many times, Cam and Jake are young.  Very young.  And Shadybrooke is a mentally institution.  Allegedly people who are seriously disturbed are staying there.  You don’t just bring kids into this environment without consulting with their parents.  Which Nik isn’t.  He’s their non-involved uncle.  That’s it. Much like his telling Ethan about Elizabeth’s rape wasn’t his call, taking Cam and Jake to see Elizabeth wasn’t his either. I know it fit in his plan to prove Elizabeth wrong, that he really is the greatest dad ever….but mission fail Dikolas. 

I have many many issues about this ridiculous way to obvious storyline (like Lucky’s clearly the father since he wants it least, Helena will mess wiht test and Nikolas will play right into Helena’s hands so many times we’ll be demanding a DNA test on him before the new year comes in.) but if Shadybrooke is responsible for Elizabeth’s awesomely reality checking Nik about his lacking in the fatherhood department AND finally seeing through his manipulations that he used in the past to keep her near him (i.e. not actually listenign to her and doing the exact opposite of whatever she said)…then three cheers for Shadybrooke.

By the way..this was Nik’s face when he realized his oh so brilliant plan failed.

Watch out Emmy 2011!

So Awesome Words Can Not Describe It!

I admit I might be a little, tiny bit fangirl about Steven Webber.  Just slightly. And yes I have a total soft spot in my heart for his and Robin’s relationship. But come on you guys, how freaking awesome was he on Friday?

First the way he handled Patrick and Robin’s public argument? Fabulous!  (and for the record..I was on Patrick’s side for that! )  The way he just defied the natural order of things in Port Charles and boldly declared the blasphmous statements that being a mob kingpin who donated to a charity 15 years ago didn’t rate preferential treatment and wasn’t immediately shot for it?  Heavenly!  And then there was him and Robin at Kelly’s.

And he and Robin had what is completely rare in Port Charles, the start of a non-sexual male/female friendship! I know! I didn’t think they did these anymore either! While I would not be opposed to them getting romantic somewhere down the line, I love him being able to articulate Patrick’s side to Robin in a way that didn’t threaten her marriage or sound like a big strong man explaining something to the stupid little woman.  Robin was able to express her point of view without being attacked! 

Look how happy that made her!  And he even was somewhat responsible for Scrubs making up today!  Three cheers for the complete awesomeness of Steven!  Too bad the rest of the show couldn’t find it catching.

Photos courtsey of  Lisa W’s Soap Heaven

{February 16, 2010}   Three years too late….

Seriously…it’s the continuation of your Valentine’s episode and what do you include?

The start of the world’s most obvious Who’s The Daddy storyline ever?  and what’s with this we can’t test till May crap.  It was ten weeks when it concerned Jason.  Elizabeth is past ten weeks now if you are claiming she’s three months along solely to make it a WTD.  We do pay attention to these things Guza!

And if…..IF…the show hadn’t had been such a complete bastard to Greg…then maybe I would have become my total and complete fangirl squeeing self today…..and if the storyline was SO stuck on complete stupid…..then maybe….just maybe my heart would have done something than my twinge.  But I will not forget so easily!  I do hold a grudge….granted make this baby a Spencer and the gruge will ease…but still it’s there.

And ok…Steven clearly recognizing Nik’s utter uselessness and keeping him back was made of win

And way to look concern there Nik.  I so beleive in your “undying love and affection” and such. Or is that indigestion?  Hard to distinguish those two you know…

But lets be real….the best part of today’s episode for me?

Mac/Alexis making out!

Ok yes they need to be seen more and we need to actually see them date….but hey I do enjoy the fact even SAM recognizes that Mac is a good guy who will treat Alexis right…..and lets face it…name the last time two over 40 good people got involved on this show period?  I know I’m drawing a blank.  And believe me if I had a cap of the make out it would be up here…but alas…all I found was the reveal.  So sad.

This slightly made up for having to celebrate yet another National Singles Awareness Day.  Just slightly.

Photos courtsey of Lisa W’s Soap Heaven

You know at one time….there was a phrase that if I never ever head it uttered on GH I would be incerdibly happy.  And not because I don’t understand and beleive whole-heartedly in the concept of it.  But because of the way it was preverted to justify Michael being stolen from AJ and the Qs and the idea that raising a child in the mob was totes better than raising them in a dysfunction yet hysterical wealthy family.  I think you know the one I am referring to. Sonny, Jason and Carly used to stop the show almost daily to impart this knowledge on us whenever someone might accidentally wonder if the Qs might want to see Michael or had a right to talk to Jason.

“Family is who you choose, not who you are bound to by DNA”

It was almost a daily frigging mantra for these three.  It got to the point that the most laughable part of the Carly/Lulu bond was the very idea that Carly would even be loosely considered a Spencer since she never ever claimed them or used the name. 

And then Jake happened.  And suddenly Jason’s biological tie to the child became the be all end all consideration to the entire town who knew the secret.  So everyone but Edward, Monica, Tracey and Alexis.  Now I know the argument is that Jason just now understood the importance of biological ties when he missed his own father dying to avenge Sonny against Jerry Jax/ Mr. Craig.  And he was all aghast that Elizabeth asked him to step away from the baby when he struggled so hard with seperating from Michael when he gave him up after kidnapping him.

Right Mac?  Arguging that when he kidnapped a child was just insane.  But then everyone else started weighing in on how Jason would never be happy with giving up Jake….that Jake would never be happy without knowing Jason’s maginificance….dayplayers stopped in the street to talk about how since children didn’t run screamign from him at sight that meant clearly he was the most wonderful father on Earth.  All because he donated sperm.  And didn’t change his life for said child or ever offer to. 

But then that insanity kind of died when Jiz broke up and Jason moved back to Sam and seemed to completely forget Jake existed.  And we all breathed a heavy sigh of relief.   

Too soon.  I spoke way too soon.

First we had the contract dictated insert Jason into this storyline he really doesn’t need to be in scenes where because Elizabeth showed extreme bad judgement and a possible undiagnosised mental illness by sleeping with Nik (hmmmm finding Nik attractive is only possible if you are mentally ill.  I’m down with it!) meant that it was the perfect time for Jason to come running in, grabbing a toddler who has no fecking clue who he is, separating said toddler from not only his mother, the only father he’s ever known, his brother, his great grandmother and his uncle, and this was all considered something to be considered! 

Sometimes the Duh Face is the only answer.

And now we have come to the over-arching action of the last three days on this show. The “penultimate” , “cosmic guffaw” of a reveal that Dante is not only an undercover cop but also Sonny’s son.  (Just me who thinks Guza just opened up a dictonary to random pages, didn’t bother to actually read the definitions and just thinks these words go together?)  First Sonny was flabbergasted that Olivia would keep something like his son from him!  What had he ever done to deserve that he wondered. You know besides being an unrepentant thug who wanted to be a criminal and who was dating her cousin?  Details I know.  Then Sonny oh so helpfully pointed out that if he had known Dante was his son, he woudln’t have shot him.  But the fact that he was an undercover cop was still apparenlty a good reason.  He insisted on telling the EMTs, the staff at General Hosptial, God who I would think has better things to do than listen to a “devotedly Catholic” except for that whole murder thing person like Sonny, basically anyone who would listen that Dante was his son and by god he was going to make sure his son was going to make it through surgery.  To ensure this he called in his own surgical on-call team of Robin and Patrick (sersiouly Patrick. I liked you so much better when you hated Sonny and wanted nothing to do with him!  I want that Patrick back!) and then threatening the most awesome of awesome….Dr. Steven Lars Webber!!!! 

You don’t step to Steven! 

And then came the most……I don’t think increidble is quite the word I’m looking for so I’ll settle for “cosmic guffaw”  moment, that while he was being arrested, in front of MyKill and St. Jaysus, both of whom have caused Sonny to pontificate ad nauseum about how family is who you choose……Sonny busts out that he will not leave the hospital to be arrested…and when the PCPD dares to continue…hillariously yells out that someone tell his son that he loves him. 

He loves his son…that he just shot…because he was an undercover cop.  My heart grows.

You know lets ask Steven what he thinks of all this.

Word Steven! Word!

Photos courtsey of LisaW’s Soap Heaven

{January 27, 2010}   Beauty and the Beast

I was going to comment today about Carly’s observation about how she doesn’t have any female friends and how that might be related to her feeling the need to be a hypocrtical skank who thinks she can decide who gets custody and forgets her own history at the same time.  I was going to comment about how freaking ridiculous it is that it’s only dawning on the Mob Crew to fully vet Dominic when he’s been working closely with them for months.  Didn’t he blackmail his way into this?  Do Sonny and Jason do background checks with the same firms that check out all these people on reality tv?  Or the fact that apparenlty Dante is some sort of bizarre FBI/NYPD hybrid cop that I don’t get at all.  There was also the insanity of Sam the undercover PI…A- not understanding what undercover means  (does she use her name when she’s going on her own undercover assignments?) and B – telling Kristina that dressing to please a man was just so silly and beneath her.   I don’t call her the Underware PI for nothing folks.

And then…somethign truly terrifying appeared on my screen. Something more cringe inducing than Niz.  YES IT IS THAT HORRIFIC!

What is that??????  I’m supposed to take Spinelli seriously as A – a real person, B – an adult capable of carring on a mature relationship with Maxie and C – a top of the line computer hacker who has supreme mastery of search engines…..and they dress him like he’s a mentally challenged three year old?  They want me to beleive the non-husband or whatever he is to a fashionista like Maxie is allowed to have something that hideous in his closet?

I just ….i can’t….I need something awesome to take my mind off the trauma.

There! That’s better! 

And while I do like Scrubs, I’m telling you all….if they broke up in an organic non-Guza fashion (so yeah that won’t happen) and it wasn’t sleazy like Niz….man oh man would I love me some Steven/Robin.  I know people like Stebin…but I am more partial to Roven myself.  They are adorable.  Pocket-sized.  Doctors.  Legacy characters.  What’s not to love?

Screencaps courtsey of LisaW’s Soap Heaven

Oh trust me..I have in no way gone blind, deaf and dumb during REVEAL week…..(Coming soon…the fun of arguing with people who completely ignore your points!)

But I am only human…seeing something this freaking adorable..well it’s just against the universal law to be all ranty when something this so freaking adorable happens.  Especially on GH.  You just thank your lucky stars and hold on tight.  The bitching comes later. Much much much later.

Uncle Steven! Cameron! Jake! Cameron helping Jake get undressed like the awesome big brother he is!  Love! All sorts of love!

We’ll ignore the character formerly known as Elizabeth Webber in the picture. Just keep looking at the awesome.

Photo courtsey of LisaW’s Soap Heaven

How the hell have these two dumbasses kept this scecret for so long?

I mean seriously…first Nik’s instance on stalking and his thought process that apparently if he proclaims his love long enough…Liz will choose him and everything will just be grand and beautiful.  Lets ask Steven what he thinks about that.

Yeah I’m not having it either.

Then these two in front of Elizabeth’s co-workes…and with the subtle of a Gene Simmons sales pitch go off into a closet….which quite frankly they never EVER need to go in again. 

It’s no use Steven….Earth logic is far too advance for these simpletons.

Look i know its a soap and sometimes stupid things have to happen for an eavesdropped reveal….but really?  If you go into a closet to discuss how your affair is so freaking forbidden and to try to talk someone into the beleif they love you……MAKE SURE THE DAMN DOOR IS SHUT!

Seriously! I know Nik can’t see past his own nose but how the hell does Elizabeth who is the QUEEN of  “this must never ever be spoken of or discussed or discovered becuase it will destroy everything” miss that?  HOW? She is looking right at it!

Good Lord Nik’s not exactly been quiet about his feelings… it’s not like Lucky would miss Nik’s screaming.  And huge puffy body stomping out.  Or better yet since Lucky is now so perfect and awesome and all things right and wonderful…I’m sure he now has super sonic hearing and can hear conversations through closed doors.

DUMBASSES!  Holy hell they suck at the secret thing!

Pictures thanks to Lisa W’sS Soap Heaven

{December 16, 2009}   A moment of awesomeness

Today something happened on GH that made me smile. 

I know.  The confusion is totally understandable.

There are about two characters on this show right now that I will unabashedly proclaim awesome without the use of qualifications or air quotes.  Said characters are Mac Scorpio and Molly Lansing.  And as befits the truly awesome on this show, they are only trotted out to tease us with glimpses of how good we could have it.  And I have made no seceret of my love of the potential for Mac and Alexis as a couple, even though I fully admit Bob Guza will never in three million years do that pairing the justice and time it deserves for the simple reason that he sucks monkey socks.

Hey you have two pretty petty client after hours calls and see how elequent you are ok? 

So imagine my glee when this happened.

Awesomeness squared!

Plus Steven Lars putting St. Patrick of the Holy Hands in his place?  And playing darts?  And making probably the fugliest leather jacket this side of Lucky’s wretched bomber hoodie work? Ok maybe that’s crossing the line to fan girl crazy.

Sometimes all you can do is..well let Kurt show us.

Unabashed delight and giggles!

Photos courtsey of Lisa W’s Soap Heaven  except for dancing Kurt…he’s MINE!  Thanks to Leigh.

et cetera