You can’t be bad AND boring!

No I have not fallen off a cliff or been drive so mad by the insanity that passes for GH these days that I have been spending time in a real mental health facility. The sad, totally embarrassing truth is being my wonderfully klutzy self I tripped over what I suspect was my own two feet and ended up cracking my elbow.  So I’m sling bound and typing up until the past few days has been difficult and painful.  But rest assured I still have tons to say about the state of affairs in Port Charles.

Which is oh my god how can it be simulatniously bad and BORING????  You can’t be both!  You have to pick one and stick with it!  Was there ever in the history of daytime a more anti-climataic and outright dumb kidnapping than the one Helena did with Luke and Tracy?  Where was the suspense? Where was the mystery?  What the hell was that piece of crap accent Lucky adopted and what was with the world’s most obvious cat burgler outfit he wore?  Did anyone else get lost in his speech to Nikolas? It was about Elizabeth…it wasnt’ about Elizabeth…..Nik said something but I don’t remember because I was too busy wondering what was on that to-do list Tyler Christopher was actually thinking about and when did Nik stop having a neck. 

I was also confused by the notion that Elizabeth can’t afford to send to daycamp…but Lucky has enough money to fly to Greece on a freaking hunch not based in actual reality?  (Just me confused by the notion that Luke being missing this time, as opposed to when he disappears this time every year, was wrong becuse he wouldn’t leave a kid in trouble from teh son who Luke abandoned during his drug addiction, his son’s TWO kidnapping attemps and the whole being trapped in a toxic burning hosptial thing?????) Or the ohhhh so progressive notion that money is truly a great indicator of a man’s worth as a partner.  If Shirley starts waxing about how Nik’s money is soo awesome one more time…I’m poisoning her chemo treatments myself. 

As for Michael all I have to say is…Guza…you are fooling no one. Everyone with eyes, and a few of those who are blind can completely see that Michael was raped.  We also know you are holding out the actual on-air reveal of this for sweeps because that’s the only time you actually write a soap opera.  Quit treating us like we are morons you non-Emmy winning twit. (More on THAT later!)

The making of Brooklyn as basically a prostitue grates on my ever loving last nerve because well they are making a Q a prostitue people!  It’s so wrong! As is the notion working for Carly is a better option for a Q than taking money from Edward.

I really want to see the visiting hours at Pentonville because going by the number of times Jason gets into that visiting room it’s apparently 24 hours a day over there.  Was there not one guard from the last time Jason was there that remembered the last time “Brenda Morgan” showed up at Pentonville she was a blonde and looked completely different?  Also did Guza think we all forgot that was the exact same scam Carly used?  Ok yeah the answer to that is probably.  That is if he remembered he did the exact same thing two years ago.  Which he probably didn’t. He probably thought he was clever or something and dropping a subtle hint about Brenda’s return.

Which quite frankly if that’s his idea of subtle…having characters randomly starting to mention her….well I think we need to chip in and send Guza to writing school to grasp basic concepts here. 

Maybe it will help him win that Emmy that eluded him oh so gracefully last night?

It’s a sad sad thing when the best part of my GH watching experience of the past two weeks is seeing them get TROUNCED at the Emmys.  I know they won several at the technical awards held the previous night and I figured they would for the HD transition.  Julie Berman’s repeat didn’t surprise me because the description of the other reels sucked.  Her’s was about the only somewhat soapy one to choose from.  Billy Miller upsetting both Jonathan Jackson AND Bradford Anderson?  The stuff dreams are made of.  Judging from the continual confusion I saw throughout the internet from people who didn’t understand why Jonathan Jackson submitted the Christmas Eve “Luke you are the most awesome person ever” speech over the confrontation….I think GH was hoping to use THAT performance to propel a win in this category.  If you all didn’t know what was on Carolyn Hennesy’s reel be thankful. Sufiicive to say it involved Max and sex and quite frankly we need discuss it no more than that.  B&B winning best show two years in a row with two years of legitimately soapy episodes over the GH trick of submitting their best gimmick was wonderful. As was the icing on the cake since GH did submitt a Greg Vaughan heavy episode while acting like Jonathan Jackson is the only one who’s ever played the part at the same time.  This my friends is what karma looks like.

As for the rest of the Emmys, I was thrilled to see ATWT get the majority of the acting awards the same week they stopped taping the show.  It was beautiful and was a better tribute to the show than that SAD AND PATHETIC clip tribute they got out of their own mother effing network!  (Yes we just HAD to have a hotel tour didn’t we? I’ve been to the Las Vegas Hilton….it’s not that glamorous.  At all.  In fact, it’s pretty freaking cheesey. It has a Star Trek casino and wedding chapel people! THIS was the home of the Emmys!  Klassy!)  I know there was a lot of grumbling about the lack of tributes to the legends in daytime we’ve lost but I am willing to bet the thought process was that since they died in 2010….honor them at next year’s Emmys.  Which undoubtedly will probably take place in the resturant at the Holiday Inn Airport Hotel in Los Angeles.