Sarcastic Clapping

{July 7, 2009}   Perhaps their dictonary is faulty?

Inevitably when I watch GH, I am reminded of The Princess Bride and the great always quotable Inigo Montoya. 

“I do not think that word means what you think it means.” 

This is not a new feeling per say.  I felt many many times when three-fourths of the canvas would show up to praise Jason inanely about alleged sacrifices he made for Jake during the unending time of Jason’s secret pain. I would grab my trusty, not so rusty copy of Websters’ and try to figure out how a word that means “the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim” was being applied to a person who was giving up nothing in exchange to continue on in the exact same manner he was living before the child showed up.   I would sit there with the confused puppy look on my face, almost yelling at the TV “But he hasn’t even bought a diaper!  He’s not offered anything!  He was offered a chance to be a deadbeat dad and he took it!  He doesn’t even seem interested in that kid. PLEASE SOMEONE SHOW ME THE SACRIFICE.”

Believe me…my neighbors are soo much happier with me now that story has finally been concluded. 

This strange dictionary of Guza’s causes me confusion. And as someone who actually watched during Toxic Testicles, Monkey Virus, Re-peat Ball,  Amelia and the really odd plot to make Sam famous in order to get revenge on her and Jason the Noblest Snitch Ever to Snitch to Save the World’s Only Innocent Mob-Employed Computer Hacker, it embarrasses me that this show confuses me.  Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance confused me.  The never ending popularity of Paris Hilton confuses me.  General Hospital should not confuse me over something as simple as word usage. 

Watching Kristina and Michael throwing around judgment on Alexis is infuriating on many levels.  While the actors are good and some of the reactions are totally on target.  The self-centeredness, the emphasis on how this is going to affect them.  Total teenager.  But them calling her a slut?  Kristina complaining that Alexis is the most embarrassing parent on Earth?  I know these two just became teenagers yesterday….but are they forgetting the fact that I can almost not recall the last relationship Sonny had that did not involve cheating.  Oh wait, yes I can.  A little horrific thing known the Internet over as Soliey.

Sonny Corrinthos sleeping with a woman that is A – one of those kid’s AUNT/godmother, B- is closer to their own age than anyone else Sonny has ever dated, C- he once gave the safe sex talk to and D- he got busted with in a hotel room amid gunfire and someone trying to kill him is more embarrassing than anything Alexis could dream of doing.  Now this might be because I can remember the night of One Night Stands from Hell and know that Alexis was in the hospital almost dying from a breathing attack brought on by her lung cancer so therefore sex was not on her mind at all and therefore the said one night stand with the Mayor just couldn’t have happened.   (I get a little testy about ret-conned history when it just happened three years ago.) And it could be because I consider Soliey one of the worst couples ever dreamed up. 

Or it could be because I’m completely right. 

Here…I’ll tap into my teenage outrage scale.  And since I work with highly emotional teenagers this wont’ be that hard.  Mom gets outed as having a one night stand by a man who is accused of murder and is obviously trying to save his own neck.  Upsetting.  Dad gets busted in a hotel room by my hit man uncle as he races to save Dad’s life once again and finds my aunt in lingerie.  Hit man uncle’s gunshots have caused other guests to call the police and a crowd, including reporters get pictures of my dad outside a hotel room with my aunt (who is pretty darn close to my age), clearly standing in her underwear and Dad’s coat.  They then continue a very public affair despite everyone being skeeved out about it beyond belief in the pages of the papers and throughout the town’s gossip chain.  They also took time to explain to me that they were dating so it’s not like I am clueless about this relationship or in Kristina’s case, my mother knew about it and disapproved as much as everyone. 

Yeah still not seeing the moral high ground these two are giving to Sonny. 

I am well aware of the GH code which states Sonny and Jason are greater than all people at all times no matter what. I probably will write pages over time about the characters this show destroys to keep these two nitwits front, center and as alleged heroes.  I can ignore all that and just lump it like I do with other shows where the leads annoyed me but I adored the supporting characters. (Roswell Dreamer fans I’m looking right at you) All I ask is that it makes sense.  And that my ability to remember things longer than a commercial break be respected.    Or failing all that…they at least consult a dictionary and use the right freaking word!

Kristin says:

“I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

This fits Guza’s entire outlook on life. Most romantic couple ever? Based on what? All they do is recycle NEM over and over again, each storyline worse than the last…and I am always surprised by their level of gruesome. Nikolas and Emily were NEVER the love story to end all love stories. In my opinion, the only couple that ever managed that weren’t even on Daytime: Doug and Carol from ER will always be my supercouple!

How about Jason shoot himself in the head? Sorry for the graphic bowl of Jell-O, but that’d be at least a worthwhile sacrifice. No one would ever go after Jake again. Duh!

I feel so sorry for Sonny’s children (I don’t include Dominante in this) because they’ll never be allowed to have acceptable relationships with anyone, especially if 3/4 of the cast was spawned by Sonny. It’s sad that Kristina is probably the only girl who will ever truly understand Michael and Dominante appeared to his sister and cousin as “hot.” Excuse me while I go throw up.

This blog was a great idea.

Leigh says:

Other recent GH terms that confuse me:

‘Courtly love’ I know what courtly love means…I just don’t think the writers do.

‘Back together’. You know, Liz and Lucky back together? Not a lot different than the past year of Liz and Lucky not being together, except that they hold hands more. And last time I checked, GH was not set in Victorian times.

“I like you for the person you are, Em…Rebecca”. Now let’s get you into some clothes that Emily wore, and recreate something that Emily and I did together. Not working, GH.

I’m sure there would be more…but to be honest, GH’s dialogue tends to lack in the whole memorability department for me.

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